MeowZz Paradise of DreamS

Last Rants...

2007-11-05T21:25:00.002+08:00

Ok, I passed my exam - a credit and a distinction. Waiting for my school to start in January..

Still not yet decide to take full or part-time.. Must do so soon..

~~~~~~~~~~

.--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. --- -. .----. - / .-.. .. . / - --- / ..- ... .-.-.- .-.-.-

.. - / .... ..- .-. - ... .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

~~~~~~~~~~

-.-. --- -. ..-. ..- ... .. --- -. .-.-.- .-.-.-

-.. . -. .. .- .-.. .-.-.- .-.-.-

... .... ..- - / --- ..- - .-.-.- .-.-.-

~~~~~~~~~~

As my title shows, this is my last post in Blogger. I'll update no more..

I'm actually doing up a new site where I can post photos, music, videos, blog and more..

So bye bye le, Blogger....

(p/s. u'll be able to find the link somewhere in this blog.. no need to find too far wor.. happy treasure hunting!! Hee.. :P)

It's Over!!

2007-10-12T21:48:00.000+08:00

Finally, I've finished my bridging modules. So all that's left is to wait.

Waiting for the release of my results.

I should be able to pass. At least I think I know what the paper was asking for. I hope to get good grades though.

The lessons were very interesting. I brought me to another view point of the media industry. I enjoyed the company of my classmates, though I may not be seeing them anymore, as we might not be in the same class for our actual modules.

January, I'm waiting for your arrival...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've uploaded this song onto my blog. It's not a new song I think. The album was released in 2006. I thought it's so lively and inspiring. Enjoy the song!!!

我相信 - 杨培安

想飞上天和太阳肩并肩
世界等着我去改变
想做的梦从不怕别人看见
在这里我都能实现

大声欢笑让你我肩并肩
何处不能欢乐无限
抛开烦恼勇敢的大步向前
我就站在舞台中间

我相信我就是我我相信明天
我相信青春没有地平线
在日落的海边在热闹的大街
都是我心中最美的乐园

我相信自由自在我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身边让生活更新鲜
每一刻都精采万分
I do believe

School & Challenges...

2007-09-28T00:15:00.000+08:00

In 19 hours time, it'll be my first lesson in SMA, taking my bridging course of Introduction to Mass Communications. My schedule will be like this: Friday (29/9/07) 7pm-10pm; Sat (30/9/07) 9am-5pm; Sun (31/9/07) 9am-5pm. Exams will be on Wed (3/10/07) 7pm-10pm.

This first week will be a challenge for me. With me being out of school for 3 years, going back will be a little tough, as I'm not sure how much I can actually absorb, (now that I've not been fully using my brain for 3 years..).

Besides, there'll be a wedding dinner for me to attend this Saturday, which means I'll not be able to tuck into my bed earlier, and yet have to rise up early for my Sunday's lesson.. I think I might bring my notes to the restaurant to study.. Haha...

And if that's not bad enough, I'm prepared to stay back for OT on Monday and Tuesday, due to quarter's closing on Wednesday morning. This would mean that I'll have neither anytime during office hours, nor during after office hours on Monday and Tuesday, for me to revise for my exam on Wednesday.

Oh~ I want to pass my exam at one attempt~~ I'm praying for my wisdom to be able to absorb everything that the lecturer will be teaching..

Continuously, I'll be taking my 2nd and final bridging course of Introduction to Public Relations next Fri, Sat and Sun, and exams on Wed, with timing just like this week's.

And we're having a FD retreat on that Sat overnight to Sun. But I'll be attending only Saturday's session after lesson, and have to wake up early again after a late night for lesson on Sunday..

As at now, I'm still free on that Monday and Tuesday. Hopefully I'll have more time to study for my exam...

So I might not be able to be online till 3 weeks later.. So there'll be no updates neither in the postings nor in the tagboard (although my updates are very slow too.. Hee :P)....

All the Best to Me~~

Updates....

2007-09-24T22:42:00.000+08:00

It's been a week since I was at JB with Jane, Jaslin and Lee Ling, and back.. Photos are still with Jane so they'll be uploaded next time ba...

We went to Johore Jaya for Roti Prata breakfast with Teh Tarik (and me with Milo...) On our way there (on a cab), I saw a few high rise housing estates, just like ours. But, it's condition was super bad from it's exterior, as it looks so dirty and un-painted, that it's even worse than the one in the toothpaste advertisement.. And it's just a causeway away from Singapore, and the difference is to great.. So we are really fortunate in Singapore..

Then, we went Jusco for shopping... Jusco looks just like Vivo City in the inside, while the outside looks like a factory.. I guess Malaysian are not that particular about the looks..

And guess on what we spent the most on in Jusco? FOOD at the SUPERMARKET!!!! Wahaha.. So Auntie... And we bought a box Sushi, enough for the 4 of us, at RM 12.88 only!!! Super cheap!! And I finally ate my Kit-Kat Ice-cream.. But the Kit-Kat in the ice-cream soft le...

And after being aunties, we went to Holiday Plaza (which looks like City Plaza in Singapore..), and Lee Ling and I did a tai-tai thing: Mani and PediCure at RM48 only!!!! Wow Wow!!!

And while waiting for our nails to dry, we were treated like princesses by Jane and Jaslin, by opening the cab door for us, feeding us the sushi.. Actually, we treated Lee Ling like a princess more.. (And I'm the princess's servant, and Jaslin and Jane my servants.. Wahaha.. Cos my nailes dried faster..)

Then, our real shopping starts only back in City Square.. A part of City Square looks like the base ment of Far East Plaza, or Annex in Heeren.. And it's there that I bought a pair of shoes, a dress, and a skirt...

And my total spending in JB from 9am to 9.30pm is not even SGD100!

I'm planning to go back to JB, either before or after shifting house, to buy stuffs for my room!! Yeah!!

Yesterday was quite a busy day for me too, with our Bishan FD Daimokukai for our 'O' and 'N' Levels students, then home-visiting a FD member, and finally KTV-ing with Weili and GQ. Photos later la hor.. I lazy to upload now..

And school's starting soon... I'm really praying for my own wisdom to be able to absorb everything that the lecturer will be teaching, cos I've not been studying for the past 3+ years le..

All the BEST to me ba..

-. --- / .-- .- -.-- ..--.. ..--..

2007-09-09T20:43:00.000+08:00

.. - .----. ... / .. -- .--. --- ... ... .. -... .-.. . .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

.. - / .-- --- -. .----. - / .-- --- .-. -.- / --- ..- - .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

--- .-. / .- -- / .. / .--- ..- ... - / -.. . ..-. . .- - . -.. / -... -.-- / ..-. . .- .-. ..--..

Farewell... Farewell...

2007-09-06T21:21:00.000+08:00

Guangyi left.. On 22 August to NYC.. I've tried in vain to upload the video that I've made - a compilation of the photos and videos that I've took on his departure.. How?

Martin left.. Very early this morning.. I was at Terminal 1 at around 3.30am to send him off.. All of his cousin whom I know were there too.. His parents accompanied him there to settle stuffs for him till Saturday, and he'll be on his own... He's going to US tooo...

There were actually quite a lot to blog , with the concert with Nestor Torress just over, the departure of the above 2 violinists, my last minute performance for Friday Rendezvous on behalf of Weiyi, 2 of my colleagues' birthdays, and lots more.. but all these were past events.. I couldn't really remember..

And why did I not blog them in time? Cos I wanted to upload the photos, but they wouldn't load.. So I procrastinated..

Anyway. that's all over.. Look forward ba...

And I was looking throught my blog entries, and found that I've written this before:

Points to Note:
* Not to do anything that hurt my loved ones, even if it means hurting myself
* Make a positive difference, so that people around me can feel it
* Be a good listener, do not impose myself on others
* To be happy, be grateful
* Everyone on Earth are related. Prejudice was just introduced to human beings.

Just for myself to ponder again...

Faint...

2007-08-14T23:17:00.000+08:00

I nearly fainted today.. As in really physically faint, not "faintZ.." faint.. Understand?

It was early this morning, and I was on my way to my office.. Luckily my Supervisor came into the lift and saw me in that state, and pulled me to sit down at the stairs once we got out of the lift... My Shoten Zenjin!

Or else, I'll tahan until I reach my desk, and faint there.. Wahaha.... jus kiddin.. :P

*P.S. What I wrote is real.. the kiddin part is only the "reach my desk and faint there" part...

Today...

2007-07-31T23:32:00.000+08:00

Today had been a busy day.. Not in work sense, but in non-work sense, and yet for work.. Hmm.. Complicated.

1st, we had a super heavy breakfast this morning.. It was blunjah-ed by our supervisor, for the farewell of our boss LiPeng (she's transfered to Payrolls), and to welcome our new Accountant PeiLing.. Look at their intitials.. LP and PL!! Wahaha..

I was given 2 1/2 pieces of cheesecakes, a egg mayo sandwich, and a soya bean drink!! I only managed to finish my last bit of the cheesecake at 12:07pm, and only managed to squeeze in half a egg mayo sandwich for lunch.. And my appetite had not been good since a month ago..

(I tot of all the food, I wanna vomit le.. Monday we had Pizza Hut for lunch, treated by LiPeng to the whole Expenditure, her ex-Expenditure staffs, and the New Expenditure Accountant.. Tuesday, we were prepared for a heavy breakfast, but last minute, had a farewell "tea-party" for another colleague [please refer to below..].. and I had Sakae for dinner somemore... Wednesday we'll be having our Department's Communication Session, with a buffet lunch.. Thurday will be Jane's birthday, and we planned to have Sakae delivery for lunch...)

Well, as I've said, a colleague of ours, our current Payrolls Accountant, suddenly announced that she is leaving the company afterall..

We knew that she had tendered, but the next thing we knew, was that the bosses asked her to stay, and she agreed, taking 3 months no-pay leave first.. One of the reasons was that she was being asked to transfer from Payrolls to Corporate Section as an accountant. Another was she wanted to visit her family in States.

Nope.. She's not a ang moh.. She's a Chinese..

Anyway, she last minute decided to change her mind, and leave us permantly afterall.. And the bosses only knew it yesterday, while the rest of us knew it only today.. And today is her last day..

Imagine, within half a day, we to collect all the $$ from our colleagues, to get her a gift, and 3 of my colleagues went out to buy the gift within 2 hours, and me and another colleague went consolidating the orders for her Farewell "Tea-Party", and spent the next half of the day planning the farewell, and executing it.. Below are the photos:

Jane the Accountant..

SIAEC Finance..

Jane & Expenditure..

I was very blur today too!!! I nearly blurted out something in front of someone who is not supposed to know that something...

It'll be Jane's birthday this Thurday, and as I've said, we are planning for a Sakae lunch for her.. So Jaslin sent out an email to all in our group, except Jane, informing of our plan for Thursday.

We were at Jane's cubicle, when I asked Jane if she received the email.. and I blur blur ask her to refresh her email somemore!! Jaslin and ZheSheng, who were there as well, stared at me, and me, stared back at both of them, the question marks on my face getting bigger and bigger, when I suddenly realised that Jane wasn't supposed to know!!! Jane should know about our plan le lar.. She just don't say only...

I asked them why I so Stupid!!! WAH!! I so slow and blur today!!! I think my body and brain not functioning properly since I caught the flu!!

Then after work, it was only when I reached my office's ground floor, when Jaslin motioned to me about reading my sms, that I realised that my HP was still in office!!! It's at least a 10 minutes different to travel up and down again!!! I ran up, resulting in heavy coughing..

Me and Jaslin planned to go to Bugis to buy Jane's gift, but realised that Jane was going there too!! We decided to change plan, and went to Somerset instead.. And we bought a Elle wallet for her.. White outside, and pink inside!! Before that, we had Sakae for dinner.. and both of us took only 9 plates!! So little..

Had been spending a lot again recently.. A gift for LiPeng, a gift for Jane the accountant, a gift for Jane our friend, a gift for mom, fees for seeing doctor, etc, etc...

STUPID!!

2007-07-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

Wa liao.. I typed halfway, and the stupid browser exited.. and all gone!!!

I think my laptop's touchpad too sensitive le.. I accidentally touch it also trigger something..

Gotta type all over again.. ARGH!! DUN FEEL LIKE TYPING LE!!!

A visit to the Singapore Zoological Gardens

2007-07-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

Yoyo!! I've been to the Zoo!! The last time I was there, was I was in Primary 1!! It's only when I've reached the Zoo, that I realise that I have no recollections of my previous visit at all! Hmm…

It was SIAEC's Carnival, and we were there from 10am and left only at 5.30pm, to catch the last shutter bus back to YCK Interchange. We girls then had our 2nd round in Bishan's Party World, singing Karaoke!! Wow!! I think my last visit to the KTV was at least a year ago!! Still sing not enough leh...

Below are the pictures that I took!! Hopefully I'll be able to receive the other photos from others and post them up too!! Enjoy!!

Group Photo b4 our Treasure Hunt!! (Shhh... the group was supposed to be max 6 people only... Shhh....)

Qi Wei & Weili.. (they knew each other on this day only...)

Treasure Hunt - Work In Progress..

After Treasure Hunt Water Parade... (We didn't win anything though...)

Lunch!!

Weili & I..

Weili & Geng Qin...

Robin, Tracy & Jane..

Tracy, Jane & Lee Ling...

White Tigger...

Outside Hippo Station...

Outside Hippos Station part II...

Outside Hippo Station part III...

Finance on an old truck...

Finance on old truck up close...

I saw Big Bird!!! (Emu la...)

Kanga the kangaroo..

Mighty Dumbo!!

Look at how it raises him up!!

How to carry a man version 2...

A log!! A LOG!!!

Miniature Horse..

Miniature horses are in these sizes when full grown.. they are not baby horses..

This is a normal horse..

Goatie...

Mooo....

Piglet!!! Where's Pooh?

黑猪（or te) 热情 Arh! 好像一把火 Arh!

Can't remember what-cat these are called...

Jaslin the wrapper.. ops.. Rapper la...

Tracy...

Me & my 暧昧 singing 你最珍贵...

Going Once, Going Twice, SOLD!!

2007-07-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

My Moonstone home is officially sold. On 25 July 2007, it is offically not ours anymore...

We've bought a 2nd-hand (or rather, 3rd-hand) 4 Room A HDB flat at Ubi area.

We'll be getting our keys in October, and after a little renovation, (we'll be making another room out from the living room, making the toilet, and maybe the kitchen.. I'm not sure about the rest...) we should be able to move in before my 24th birthday..

My Aunt's place..

2007-07-23T20:12:00.000+08:00

To those who say that my place is messy (including myself.. :P) look at my aunt's place, now that A LOT OF THINGS are moved over..

My Piano!! Moved over this morning.. :)

Look at the living room.. The 29" TV is on the floor.. No place to put.. :( N I didn't mean to take that CSS episode on the TV.. It just happened to be there.. I wonder how my brother is going to sleep tonight.. Hmm...

Another shot of the messy living room..

Ok.. My cam is going one round round the living room.. See my poor butsudan in pink there? It's soon be replaced by the one posted in the previous post..

The Kitchen's entry, and my Sis's comp..

The Last of the Living Room..

My parent's temp room.. OMG!! So messy.. TML they moving in le.. how they sleep??!!??

Look! there's an empty bird cage, a cello, and my guitar at the top!! I've told my father that I'm worried that it'll drop onto them while they're sleeping.. :(

Ok.. The room shared by me, my sis, and my aunt..

The space where my sis n aunt are supposed to sleep in..

The kitchen, with 2 fridges, and 2 washing machines..

My brother's comp, keyboard, and stereo set..

The messy dinning table..

The fridge and washing machine combo from another angle..

Where is more messy, may I ask?

Check out this entry..

2007-07-23T19:45:00.000+08:00

Wao.. I saw this entry on my friend's blog, that I thought it would be nice to link it.. Read it.. You may have another perspective to what love is..

http://foxfoo.blogspot.com/2007/07/true-love.html

Still Sick

2007-07-23T19:13:00.000+08:00

I went to work today, as my temperature was at 36.7°C.

Got more and more tired as the day went by, and when I finally saw the doctor at 2.45pm (cos the doctor was only available at this time when I called just before 9am.. I guess she's on half-day leave..), I got fever again..

Hmm.. She gave me MC for tml.. Hopefully I'll be well enough to go to work tml.. Although I do not have much to do in office, I still do not wish to be absent from work...

I'm now in my sleeping attire le.. Ready for bed.. It's only 7.15pm now...

Photos

2007-07-22T20:20:00.001+08:00

Since I'm sick, I'll just uplaod photos, and not speak much.. Bleh..

2. 070707 SSA 40th Anniversary

Sis, Weili n I (seem that we only know how to take these kind of photo.. Erm.. Sorry.. But it's my idea.. Wahaha..)

YMD Gym Item

4. Mural Art Painting for SIAEC's 60th Anniversary Carnival.

Charlane , Colin, and Isabelle

Colin n Jane

3. My (or rather my family's) moving house to my aunt's place, n prep for moving to new place (as at last Sunday..) Messy!!!

38.4°C

2007-07-22T17:35:00.000+08:00

I'm sick.. Highest to 38.4°C.

Yesterday was father's birthday, and yet my present to him was me getting sick.. Haiz..

.--. .-.. . .- ... .

2007-07-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

.--. .-.. . .- ... . / -.. --- -. .----. - / -... . / ... --- / --. . -. - .-.. . / .- -. -.. / --. --- --- -.. / - --- / -- . .-.-.- .-.-.-

..-. --- .-. / .. / -- .. --. .... - / ..-. .- .-.. .-.. / ..-. --- .-. / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

. ...- . -. / .. ..-. / ..- / -.. .. -.. -. .----. - / -- . .- -. / .. - / - .... .. ... / .-- .- -.-- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.- .-.-.-

A lot to Blog

2007-07-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

I've got a lot to blog. But I'm lazy, n am not free.. (excuses again.. wah liew..) So I'll have an index on what I wanna blog here first.

1. A book review on Tom Bradby's The White Russian.
2. 070707 SSA 40th Anniversary.
3. My (or rather my family's) moving house to my aunt's place, n prep for moving to new place.
4. Mural Art Painting for SIAEC's 60th Anniversary Carnival.
5. Movie Review on Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (I'm watching it this coming Monday!! Yeah!)
6. Any other business..

Ok. That's all for today's entry.

Hey! Don't grumble okay? At least better than nothing.. This is what I've learned from today's district Gosho study: To grumble is to have your faith in reverse gear, or something lidat..

So I've learned something from today's study.. Happy!! Hee.. :)

Transformer, Robots in Disguise..

2007-07-09T23:52:00.000+08:00

Yup. I'm just back from my Transformer Movie. Hmm. I can only remember Bumblebee, Sam and who else?

Am checking through its website now, that i know their names.

From the Autobots (the good ones): Optimus Prime (18 wheeler), Jazz (modified Pontiac Solstice), Ironhide (Modified GMC Topkick 6500), and Ratchet (Modified Hummer H2). Bumblebee is a Camard.. Aiyo, I dun understand what they all are lar.. So Cheem..

From Decepticons(the bad ones), I only remember Megatron. Aiyo shan't mention them.. All baddies..

Anyway, their motto was "No Sacrifice, No Victory". I wonder how this can apply in daily life.

I thought the initial part of the movie was a bit violent, and scary. Why must there be so many people dying? Why must it be so impactful on the fights. So blur, so bright, so fast, that I was more than once momentally blinded.

I can't say much about the movie, except that the tranforming part is quite facinating - How it can from a small car turn into a huge robot. The ratio of metal used like not proportionate too.. Hmm.. Anyway, it's quite funny from the middle part onwards.

I'm not a movie watcher anyway. I don't really know how to appreciate a movie, and am trying hard to understand the moral behind the story. But, I can't, it seems.

Anyway anyway (so many "aniwaes"), I'm looking forward to watching "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix". Anyone wanna watch? I wanna watch weekday cos cheaper. But must be after working hours la.. Hee..

Good night! :)

Repetior..

2007-07-04T21:04:00.000+08:00

Crimson Dawn of Peace (红の歌)
Crimson torches light the sky
The dawn breaks in the east
One alone upon the blazing earth
Raises the flag of peace

Now marching forth to the call
Come the pure and the true
We rise from deep within the earth
To deepen the rainbow's blue

(Chorus)
On golden wings we fly
Mans dark night to cease
The crimson sun reveals the sky
The crimson dawn of peace

Drums of peace awakes the earth
The bells ring in the day
Golden youth upon the Master's road
Opening up the sky

To the peak! To the horizon
Our bright song to share
We rise undaunted by the storms
With mankind's deepest prayer

(chorus)

Brilliant days are now begun
For all life we vow
To grown in faith and reach the universe
Kosen-Rufu now!

We'll protect now and forever
Our castle of peace
Our joyful faith ignites the sun
The crimson dawn of peace

(chorus twice)

(广布に走れ)

The Sound of Music

Doe- a deer, a female deer
Ray- a drop of golden sun
Me- a name I call myself
Far- a long long way to run
Sew- a needle pulling thread
La- a note to follow so
Tea- a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Doe

Climb every mountain
Search high and low
Follow every byway
Every path you know

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
'Till you find your dream

A dream that will need
All the love you can give
Every day of your life
For as long as you live

Climb every mountain
Ford every stream
Follow every rainbow
Till you find your dream

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
bright copper kettles and warm wollen mittens
brown paper packages tied up with strings
these are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudels
door bells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
these are a few of my favorite things

Girls in a white dresses with blue satin sashes
snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
silver white winters that melt into springs, these are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites when the bee stings when I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
and then I don't feel so bad.

The hills are alive
With the sound of music
With songs they have sung
For a thousand years

The hills fill my heart
With the sound of music
My heart wants to sing ev'ry song it hears

My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
That rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies
From a church on a breeze

To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls
Over stones on its way
To sing through the night
Like a lark who is learning to prey

I go to the hills
When my heart is lonely
I know I will hear
What I've heard before

My heart will be blessed
With the sound of music
And I'll sing once more

Nella Fantasia

Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo giusto,
Li tutti vivono in pace e in onesta.
Io sogno d’anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien’ d’umanita, in fondo all’anima.

Nella fantasia io vedo un mondo chiaro,
Li anche la notte e meno oscura.
Io sogno d’anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano.

Nella fantasia esiste un vento caldo,
Che soffia sulle citta, come amico.
Io sogno d’anime che sono sempre libere,
Come le nuvole che volano,
Pien’ d’umanita, in fondo all’anima.

Tired...

2007-07-03T21:27:00.000+08:00

Did OT again today.. Didn't stay long though.. I stayed till 7pm only.. My eyes were already blurred from tiredness at 5pm.

Did OT during my last weekend. Sat from 9am to 3pm, alone. Haha.. Was quite an experience. My supervisor and accountants both looked at me with a "sure-or-not?" look, when I claimed that there's no problem with me going to work alone, with no one else in the office..

Empty office.. HAha.. I could on my music to the max, and sing to my heart's content.. Haha.. Ops.. Except the air-con was still on-ed to the max too.. Me alone.. I was freezing..

Sunday, I went to Frontier CC, near Boon Lay MRT Station, for the SSA 40th Anniversary Rehearsal at 8.30am. I heard that the rehearsal ended at 2pm, but I had already left the rehearsal for work, at Changi, at 12.30pm..

I felt bad about leaving my clarinets alone, and leaving my now own section.. GY asked to have lunch after the rehearsal.. I'd loved to.. But if i were to leave at 2pm, plus have my lunch, I would have reached office at, erm, 5pm? What for then?

Ok. Tml is the close. All will be over. I'll be preparing for the 40th Anniversary performance. Stressed.. I remember trembling during the performance for the President last Tuesday.. I couldn't hear myself at all. This coming perfomance might be worse, as it's at SIS, where feedback n echo is in much greater scale..

My fault at playing the violin, is that I can't really remember the exact position of the notes. Sometimes I use my ears to listen if I had played correctly. But at those situations, listening won't help, as I can't hear myself at all.. Besides, I'm getting deaf..

Tired.. Sleep.. Good night..

Songs

2007-07-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

暧昧 - 杨丞琳

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

只能陪你到这里
毕竟有些事不可以
超过了友情还不到爱情
远方就要下雨的风景

到底该不该哭泣
想太多是我还想你
我很不服气也开始怀疑
眼前的人是不是同一个真实的你

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据
何时该前进何时该放弃
连拥抱都没有勇气

暧昧让人变得贪心
直到等待失去意义
无奈我和你写不出结局
放遗憾的美丽停在这里

爱哭鬼 - 江美琪

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的思念

我爱哭大声的哭
你在身边我敢放肆的哭
电影感人听情歌我都会哭

我爱哭偷偷的哭
你清楚却伤我那黱离谱
几句话语我的泪却止不住

你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚
留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的思念
看著镜子里面没志气的脸
然后越哭越后悔

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的依恋
我也知道自己这样子不对
却还越哭越认真的为谁

我不哭我不敢哭
哭只会让视线变的模糊
视线模糊记忆却会更清楚

你说分手时候彷佛早就想清楚
留我一个躲在角落来不及哭只能傻住

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的思念
看著镜子里面没志气的脸
然后越哭越后悔

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的依恋
我也知道自己这样子不对
却还越哭越认真的可悲

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的思念
看著镜子里面没志气的脸
然后越哭越后悔

我是爱哭鬼
我想哭掉对你的依恋
我也知道自己这样子不对
却还越哭越认真的可悲

Re-visiting my blog..

2007-06-29T21:29:00.000+08:00

Was reading through my old postings and realised I've said a lot of things. Let's see what I can say about them now..

In my first few postings in Feb06, I see my emotions going up and down.

I still do miss you Becky.. And I cried at office again.. I am missing someone else too.. Oh Becky! I've so much to tell you.. Where are you? Please come back to us.. Please...

And my cheesecakes, I can't do them now anymore.. Cos my blender is spoilt by me.. Overheat.. *Bleh!*

For the postings in Mar06, I saw my own testimonial to SWE for our Kenshu. Was the strings formed then already? I can't remember.. but the date really look suspicious..

And my driving licence.. Hmm.. I've passed the test for more than a year.. 7th Mar 2006.. Yet, I still have my P plate on my dad's car.. I drive so infrequently, that I haven't even drove independently yet.. Every driving experience I accumulated involved my dad sitting next to me still, and I CAN DUN TOUCH THE CAR FOR MORE THAN A MONTH!! Can you believe that? I can't myself..

I saw my dilema for Ideal Career Vs Kosenrufu..

The job situation is still the same.. Stonning for 3 weeks, and super busy for a few days.. I'll be going back to work tml (Saturday) and Sunday after rehearsal to finish up my closing stuffs. BUSY NOW!! I wonder how long more I can tolerate..

I love the people there, esp the 2 guys in my section whom I'm not in talking terms like-the-past with now.. Why? Cos I feel that they took me for granted, and think that I can serve them like kings.. No Way.. I don't want them to turn into that. Of course I don't not-talk-to-them or treat-them-like-invisible. It's just that I don't try to humour them, to make them happy, to be the clown and pamper them like what I did, overly, in past anymore.. They are old enough (one of them this year 30 LE!!) to know that they should be the ones doing it.. HALO!! They are guys ley!! Lidat how to get GF? Jialat..

I'm still in the dilema of the vocal lessons too.. I feel a little too old.. Layleng, whom I've known through my last Friday Rendezvous, told me, that cos the industry wants young people who are more of idol than power voice, it is not healthy that she still holds on to the album dream. She is in her late 30s already.. But she looks and behaves younger than her age.. Perhaps she's a Air Stewardess..

And my degree course.. Still not yet registered.. HaiZ.. I'm a bit worried about the working environment and my job scope outside of SIAEC Finance.. I love the environment and my colleagues A LOT OK? I want to study Coporate Communications.. But is this what I want to work as.. Will it have a lot of "entertainment" which require alcohol consumption (i don't take alcohol..), will the working hours be hay-wire (i need a 5-day work week job.. No Sats n Suns.. They are for Kosenrufu, for SNCO..), will I be able to cope with the colleagues and stress? ARGH!

Apr06 - Funerals, and procastinations.. I don't want to talk about it..

May06 saw the formation of Soka New Century Orchestra, and my trip to Switzerland, which I didn't complete the posts.. Wahaha.. And the extraction of my 2 lower tooths.. Boohoohoo.. *Cry*

For SNCO, things are a little different now.. I'm now playing the first instrument that I picked up since young - the VIOLIN. My clarinet is now inside my cupboard.. I do still play it at home sometimes, but it saddens me to see my skills deteriorating.. And playing the violin is stressful.. If u see the pix in my previous post with WL, you'll know why.. And I was all gittery.. 1st performance on violin with Orchestra is for the Head of State, Singapore, President Nathan.. Luckily I have ZY as my stand partner.. STEADY AR!! I'm so appreciative and thankful and grateful and pampered and honoured (and .. and .. and .. and many many more..) by your help and guidance and dedication and 细心-ness (and .. and .. and .. and many many more..) since the first day I became your stand partner.. I don't know how I could have coped without you.. Millions of Thanks is not even enough.. And I mean it..

I shan't say much about he Switzerland trip either.. Perhaps like what I've said, I didn't really remember and enjoy the trip, as it was a trip with my aunt, not my friends, or youngsters.. So bad of me..

And my extraction? I still have my 4 teeth with me.. A souvenir for the pain I endured..

And in both Jun06 and Aug06, I only had one posting each, and it speaks all.. and is still valid now.. Go and read it if you have the time..

Ok.. That's all for now.. Continue with my re-visitation the next time, if I have the time..

That's All For Now Folks!

Pix n Videos..

2007-06-27T19:55:00.000+08:00

I'm so sorry for the delay in my posting. Well, I was lazy, I was busy, I was.. err.. excuses..

Actions speaks louder than words, so I shan't speak more.. Pix n Videos explains much better

29th April - Bishan Zone Youth Friendship Meeting:

20th May - Friday Rendezvous Rehearsal:

25th May - Friday Rendezvous:

19th May to 16 June - FD RHQ4 & 5 exchange Prep and Actual Meeting:

Out Emcees:

Human Revoulution Skit - CheeSeng n ChengSee demo:

HR Skit - You Jin as Ikeda Sensei, and Nicholas as Toda Sensei:

HR Skit - Narrators:

HR Skit - "Toda giving lecture" scene:

26th June - SNCO Performance for President Nathan's visit:

Treble Clef Hair Bands!:

Sis, Weili, I:

Boo!!

Fingers star!! (n shoes, n foots..):

May 3rd - Soka Gakkai Day

2007-05-05T00:39:00.000+08:00

Well, actually 2 days late for this post, aren't I? Better late than never!!

On May 3rd last year, Soka New Century Orchestra held it's debut performance, after being named by Daisaku Ikeda Sensei. Thus, it's SNCO's first birthday 2 days ago.

May 3rd is also Mentor & Disciple Day. Josei Toda Sensei was inaugurated second president of Soka Gakkai on May 3rd 1951, after the passing of his mentor and Soka Gakkai's first president, Tsunesaburo Makiguchi Sensei, while Ikeda Sensei was inaugurated as third president on May 3rd 1960.

Ikeda Sensei made a vow and plegded to his already passed on mentor, Toda Sensei, when he was inaugurated as the third president.

"Sensei, following in your footsteps, I now begin my great lifelong struggle for the Law. Transcending life and death, I will march forth boldly on a journey of world kosen-rufu in which I will spread Nichiren Buddhism to the farthest reaches of [the planet]. Please wait and see."

Today's post is a little heavy, aren't it? But I thought I must put through this entry in this way.

I've been listening to SGI's Podcast on Ikeda Sensei's novel, The Human Revolution Volume 10. I had known this podcast since quite some time ago, as I had subscribed to SGI-USA's publication, World Tribune, and it was advertised there since Ican'trememberwhen. I did inform my chapter youths about this website too, but I just didn't bothered to download the podcasts for listening, until now.

The reason for me listening to it now, was initially for a purpose: for our Future Division inter-region exchange meeting to be held on 23rd June 2007. I'm in charged of getting the students to put up a skit, based on the HR Vol 10. We've not decided on the espisode yet, and I'm still halfway through the listening.

As I listened, however, I realise that I had not been doing much for kosen-rufu. Everything voice down to the heart, and your intention. The heart to want to do it. The heart to want to learn. The heart to fight for the happiness of humanity. The heart to want to make a change. Not because you are a district leader and you have the responsibility for it. Most of the things that I'm doing now, I doing them more like a responsibility, instead of treating them as my mission.

I hope I can persevere. I'm now praying to realise and overcome all my weaknesses. I have no concrete idea of what weaknesses I have.

I know that I can be quite arrogant at times. The arrogance known by me, which might or might not be seen by others, as I hid it well. I know that my mood swings drastically. I have not acheived absolute hapiness yet. Cos at one moment, especially during a gakkai activity, I can be in my highest life condition. At the next, which could be when I reached home, or the day after a very successful meeting, espcially when I have the whole next day free and I don't know how best I could spent it beside slagging at home and I have no one to spent it with, I'll feel very down.

That was what happened. Most of the time. Just like during the Bishan Zone Friendship Meeting last Sunday. Immediately after the meeting, I have no idea what I could do. I was packing SYC's 2nd floor, making sure that we didn't leav anything behind, while others were keeping the 3rd floor, or at the reception "entertaining", or rather engaging in dialogues with others. I felt a bit out of place. I felt lost. I didn't know what my next step should be.

This bothered me for 2 days. I was figety and restless on Monday at work, as well as on Tuesday (Labour Day) during the FD IC meetings. Others saw it, but I just brushed it aside, saying that I was just too tired. But I know I wasn't. I just need to be alone, let my emotions flow without anyone I know knowing, get back in "shape" emotionally.

You were right Rena, I looked as if I wanted to cry, as if my laughters were forced, but I just couldn't allow myself to show my real emotions to you people. I was afraid. Afraid that you'll all start to console me or encourage me, or be strict to me, or any actions by people at all. I was afraid that this will lead to uncontrollable tears and emotions, with reasons seemingly so small and minutte. I won't be able to explain why I cried. Neither could I really explain why I cried the day before my birthday last year, on my way to the jamming session, and after the jamming session on my way home. I just cried, and I don't really know why. While crying, I'll won't be able expain why I cry, but instead kept questioning myself why I'm crying, and kept crying. I don't like it. I rather let the matter go away like that. I know I'm not solving the problem, and I know that it's a cycle, as I've been through it not only once or twice. So this is also one weakness that I must overcome, is this not?

I thought my rubber band holding on to my stress have stretched, but no. If it did, then I'll need to stretch it further.

As well, while listening to the podcast, I learned really a lot. I've really not been doing much for my district, my FD members, and my orchestra. I must keep asking myself what my intention for doing each act are, especially when I'm presenting, be it a buddhist sharing, a concert with SNCO, or my wish to sing for Friday Rendezvous again. Is my intention really to encourage another person? Or is it like what I've always scolded others for doing -- to showcase myself, and proof to myself that I can, especially sing?

I've always thought mine was not the latter. But I guess I must really ask myself this question at each and every performance that I make from now on.

I'm trying to feel for Ikeda Sensei too. And I thought I have had this M & D spirit in me already, but no, it's still lacking.

Someone told me that doing kosen-rufu is a joyous thing, and one will only feel more energetic if it's done correctly, with the right mentality. I guess I must have been in the wrong track, cos I'm exhausted.

Ok. Pray to overcome all my weaknesses. Only by being able to identify my own atmost weakness, will I not be arrogant, and do my human revolution. And I think this is the first time that I'm wanting to do my human revolution too. The past human revolutions that I did, were gradual, and not done intentionally, so this then is the human revolution that I want to do.

Challenges, Challenges, & More Challenges....

2007-05-01T21:08:00.000+08:00

Well, from my title, one can see that my past week was pretty exciting.

Erm.. that's for me.. But my colleagues didn't seem to feel it that way.. Hmm..

Yup. The first exciting thing happened in office. We actually had an event, a "Office Fire Safety" talk. 2 of my colleagues, Jas and Shuang, were part of that committee. When they were first approached to go for a meeting, they didn't actually know what they were in for. It was only during the meeting that they knew that they were nominated to be in the committee, and that was their first planning meeting. Well, I would have went all out for such an event, if nominated, cos Event Management was my second choice to take up as a degree course, after Communications.

Anyway, they chose to be in what they thought to be the easiest sub-committee - Food and Beverage. Well, they were a bit wrong.

So the exciting part began, when we realise that the caterer couldn't get his security clearance done, due to him having some records. And he only had one helper with him, and that's a China guy with no driving license. At that point in time, only Jas, Shuang and I were available, but only be and Jas know how to drive. But, although I had passed my driving more than a year ago, I'm still not steady in my driving as I seldom drive, and I still have my P plate on my dad's car. So Jas took a bus out to the Pass Office, and drove the Class 3 lorry into ALH. Imagine she have not driven a manual car for a long time, and it a LORRY SOMREMORE!! She even scared the wits out of the helper. HAha.

I'm actually quite grateful to the other committee people (guys) who went to help carry the stuffs into the designated place. But we were 1/2 hour off our schedule due to the delay at the Pass Office. All of us helped setup the reception, and the "PING! PING! PIANG! PIANG!" startled the guests who were in the talk. In the meantime, I was enjoying the whole process, but my friends weren't. :P

Ok, so that was over.. Hee..

Next, was the Bishan Zone Friendship Meeting held last Sunday afternoon 4pm at SYC. And on Saturday, I started my day at 8am. I was helping with the painting of the banner on, but I was more of a troublemaker.. HAha.. I kicked several cups of oil paints and spilled them on the news papers, and even stepped onto them! :P And I got so heated up by the sun, that my head was throbbing in pain by night time, and I nearly couldn't move at all. And on Sunday, I was supposed to reach SYC at 10am and prepare for the performance. And Me, Shuhui and Vivien sang SHE's 怎么办, but we thought we did better without audiences.. Hee. :P

Anyway, more photos will be up soon.. Hopefully the wait will not be long.. :)

Some thoughts after so long..

2007-04-09T21:01:00.000+08:00

Well, it had been 4 months since I last updated. What excuses can I give myself?

(A) Busy?
(B) Lazy?
(C) Not wanting to use my brain to organise my thoughts?
(D) Not in the mood to blog?
(E) Do not want others to know what is going through my mind?
(F) Etc?
(G) Etc?
.
..
...
....
.....
......
(Z) All of the above

Ans: (Z), I guess..

So where in the world have I been hidding? And what the idunthinkiwantousethatword have I been doing?

4 months. Lots I could say, but not that much too. I can't really remember much of what I had went through in these 4 months aledi..

For 1, I finally submited my application to SIM-UB for my Bachelor of Arts in Communication, a full-time degree course. Well this was done in February. Although the school indicated that we'll receive the application results in 4-6 weeks, I just called up the school, to realise that they still need some things from me, and school will be starting on 7 May 2007. Hmm.. Do I have the time to tender my resignation? Do I want to defer my studies to May 2008? Quite a lot if things in mind for this, should I call it problem? Or challenge? Hmm..

2ndly, I went to Fukuoka, Japan, 2 weeks ago, as seen from the photos in my previous post. People kept asking me how my trip was. All I could say was, "OK lor.. If not for the photographs that I took, and the souvenirs that I bought, I wouldn't feel that I had been there. It's as if I was just dreaming.." It was the same feeling when I was at Switzerland last year. That's why I feel that going overseas is just wasting time, wasting a seat in the plane, and wasting money, for me. Perhaps, like what others say, it's because I had went with my aunt, and her colleagues, all "old ladies", thus I didn't enjoy. Hmm.. Perhaps..

3rd, I had my first practice with the SNCO, playing my violin. It's been 7 years since I last played it seriously. I'm getting a little, or should I say, actually, more than a little rusty. I'm not sure if I felt the stress playing with the kids, who are much much much (x 1000000....) better than me. I just remembered going through the notes, without reading them. Especially for the Harry Potter piece. I was just reading by the bar, not by the notes. Well, it would be the case too, if I had played the clarinet, as we were sight reading. I'll need lots and lots and lots (x Idunnohowmuch) of very very very (x infinity) hard work and practice. Thus, be expected that my next post might be at least 1/2 a year later. :P Hmmmm.....

Lastly, I guess, the most memorable one, was that I WATCHED THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA ON APRIL'S FOOL DAY!!! That was a great show!! This was the first musical that I had attended, and I was amazingly impressed, and viewed the whole show in total awe!! I now have it's MP3 as my handphone's (oh btw, I think I forgot to mention, that I had changed my phone to Sony Ericsson Z610 pink, the one I had mentioned in one of my previous entries.. yeah!! hee..) ring tone, SMS tone, alarm tone.. Woww!! I even played the CD in my office!! I'm crazy over it!! Haha.. And I love "All I Ask From You" most, and the "Masquerade" theme played through the monkey musical box too, sang by the Phantom himself!

Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
Say you love me...
You know I do...
Love me, that's all I ask of you...

Masquerade.. Paper faces on parade...
Masquerade.. Hide your face, so the world will never find you....

Updates as promised. (But it's 3 months late?)

2007-04-08T22:38:00.000+08:00

Ok. Just uploaded the photographs, so I'll not be saying much in this entry. It'll be a more visual entry.

My trip to Fukuoka (26-30 March 2007):

Shaun's Farewell (02 March 2007) :

Chingay 2007:

And finally, The Singapore Garden Festival 2006:

That's all folks! :)

Ikeda Sensei's Guidance

2007-01-06T11:41:00.000+08:00

"As long as we are alive we will experience sufferings. But that does not mean we have to be unhappy. Unhappiness comes from allowing ourselves to be controlled by life's ups and downs - from being defeated, from losing hope, losing courage, losing the will to advance." ~~Daisaku Ikeda~~

Gakkai Song Fiesta 2006

2007-01-06T00:42:00.000+08:00

As I've said, I had participated in the Gakkai Song Fiesta on 30 December 2006.

We sang Eagles of a New Beginning, a song composed by me and lyrics written by Kui Bao, a little more than 2 years ago. This song was a dedication from my batch of TPSD students, to our juniors during our graduation. I still have that photo as evidence:

We eventually got it recorded, with the initiation of Liang Ngee our IIC then, Ting Chien on the lead, rhythms and vocals, Liang Ngee's friend Freddy on the drums (he was the one who did the recording), and I think Jeffrey, Ying Jie, and icantrememberwhoelse helped too.

We sent that recording to Ikeda Sensei, with his reply, "Thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. Please send my best regards to all of you. "

When GD Mr Ong asked for newly composed Gakkai songs, I submited this song, without the the limit of the skies. I went through ups and downs, worrying about the performance of this song, and its tight deadlines.

Thanks once again to everyone. Thanks to Kui Bao, who willing helped me wrote the lyrics 2 years ago, and continuing to support the perfomance of this song for the GSF.

Thanks to Fabian, who willingly helped to sing and played the lead, although he very much didn't want to play and sing at the same time, and cracked his head when the others weren't on time or weren't there for the practices, as he is always the earliest.

Thanks to Ee Sin, for being willing to play the drums initially, and eventually played the rhythms very well, and sacrificing the CIC outing for the success of our performance.

Thanks to Kenneth and Bryan, for willingly playing the drums and bass respectively for us, despite the fact that you both wern't from TPSD, and you have your own composition too. You both had played wholeheartedly for us, despite it being a competition.

Thanks to Raymond, who so happen was in charge of the GSF, and him being an ex-TPSD student, giving me all the pressure to perform at our tip top condition.

Thanks the Natalie, who handled the GSF as well as Raymond did.

I cause the whole band to make an irrevocable mistake. And there was a "live" recording. I'm not sure how it'll turn out to be. I'm just looking forward to the release of the recording.

I'm also quite regretful that I didn't take any photos although I brought my camera (which is spoiling soon..). But I do received some photos from Johnny and ZhiRhong. Here they are:

That's all. I'll update on my visit to the Singapore Garden Festival next time, when I finished uploading the photos..

Bye Bye Ming Hui...

2007-01-05T18:36:00.000+08:00

Today is Ming Hui's last day at work. However, I didn't feel as sad as what I thought I would. Perhaps I didn't know him that long, compared to the rest, as it took me some time before I got warmed up with him as a friend. Perhaps I didn't work together with him as much as the others did. Perhaps didn't know him well, besides knowing that he craps. Perhaps it's me who is the unfeeling one.

Lishuang was saying that if we were to crowd by him longer and talk to him longer, he will surely cry. True. I could see his eyes getting a little red. Jaslin then said that Lishuang looks more like she'll cry than Ming Hui would.

Well, the 3 of them, Ming Hui, Lishuang, and Jaslin, came into SIAEC Finance on the same day, in August 2005. They've been here together for more than a year, getting used to the work here together, making their Airport Passes and Staff IDs together, going for induction courses together, and passing their probation together. And these are some of the things I could list. Others which I couldn't, is because I don't know what else they did together without me knowing.

We all then talked about if we were the one to leave, will we be able to control our tears as much as Ming Hui did? I remembered seeing Aminah crying during her last day. But it seemed like no one dared to comfort her then, as everyone was afraid that it will cause her to cry even more.. Lishuang said that she will definately cry when she leave. Of course. By leaving, we will have to force ourselves to cut off the relationships built from the first day. But I guess I'll start crying from the day I tender my resignation, and there would be no more tears on my last day.

I used to be unable to imagine the day I leave SIAEC. I can't imagine when I left TTSH then too, even though I was there for a month only. But I guess like the Chinese saying, "世上无不散之宴席", everyone have to leave some day. It's just when that is the factor.

So long Ming Hui.. Bye Bye...

By the way, I took some photos and videos of him as we presented him his gift (2nd generation iPod Nano, 2GB, silver colour). But it's getting a long time to upload. Thus here are some, until the rest are uploaded.

New Year Resolutions

2007-01-01T23:13:00.000+08:00

Okay, I should start on some serious work here now. So here are some of the resolutions which I am making now. The list should be growing longer as the days in this year goes by, hopefully..

1. To take up degree course: Sim-UB Bachelor of Arts in Communication
2. To be more cheerful, humble, wise and refine (and more frequently)
3. To juggle and cope better with SNCWE, FD, District, School, Work, Relationships with family and friends
4. To be able to foster one succesor each in SNCWE, FD and District
5. To be able to communicate my thoughts better with everyone
6. To increase in my brain's memory space
7. To be more "opened up" and to be a more real me

I think that's it for now. Continue next time...

Happy New Year!!

2006-12-31T20:33:00.000+08:00

In a couple of hours time, it'll be 2007. It seems that 2006 past by in a blink of the eye, and I had not done much in this year.

What were my resolutions for 2006? Erm... I can't seem to remember. Ops.. What was the things that I did that is worth remembering? Only 2: Passing my driving test on 7 March 2006 and my debut performance with Earth Bloomers for a song composed by me and Kui Bao for TPSD, Eagles of a New Beginning, yesterday.

Actually, my life condition was really fluctuating since 19 December. I very much wanted to blog on that, but I don't feel like starting a topic on it yet. I call it being plain lazy. I guess I'll write a lot a lot on if if I were to start it, and I'll blog till tomorrow morning. So let's wait till next time (procrastinating.. I don't even know if I blog it the next time..)

Ok, so let me blog on my resolutions instead. Hope that I'll remember them by the end of next year..

....

........

............

................

Ok. I guess I couldn't come out with it yet. HaiZ.. I had been sneezing and tearing.. Couldn't concentrate.

So, Happy New Year people!!

Merry Christmas!!

2006-12-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

Merry Christmas!!

Okay. I guess I've left a Christmas Greeting to all those who are linked up by me. Job should be done.

In a few minutes time, it'll be Christmas. But I'm blogging.

Haha. Pathetic. Last year, I could still be at K box with Geraldine and Huiwen for count down. But now? At home sleep. Haha. Okay. Geraldine is busy lar. Then 2 people like not much fun. So all at home kun lo..

Anyway, we'll be having another jamming sesssion at my place tomorrow morning for the GSF. Have to sleep early anyway.

But KuiBao not here. His life is so good. Holiday-ing..

Hopefully the practice tomorrow is better than Saturday's, and Wednesday's rehearsal will be better than tomorrow's and Saturday's GSF performance will be the best, and Sunday's 39th GM will be better than the best!! It was really bad on Saturday. Anyway, I'll update that again.

Merry Christmas Again!! And Happy New Year!!

Happy Birthday to me...

2006-12-20T00:10:00.000+08:00

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁

一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点

生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切

还爱你的一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
热恋伤痕
画面重生
祝我生日快乐

Fluctuation

2006-12-18T10:58:00.000+08:00

I finally knew why I fell.

I went to SNCWE prac on Sat, finding NiKee with 4 stiches at her chin, as she fell on Wednesday too. This tells me that my fall is really nothing.

I went to my 4D discussion meeting after that, and found a WD asking why she always fell and fall sick after visiting a funeral. I told them I fell too. Twice. On my way to homevisits. And what does this mean?

Airena fell yesterday during our "The Race of Wat, The Watt of Race". She only suffered a little scratches on her knees, but her jeans was torn at that part. This made me tell her that the fall is nothing, and she was brave to pick herself up, and showed her my wound.

So my fall was not for nothing.

** *

After a very heavy weekend, I finally am able to rest. I'm on leave from today till thursday, doing nothing at home.

I'm not sure what I can accomplish this week. My reason for taking leave, was so that my friends at work (I don't call them colleagues. They are more than that to me..) won't celebrate my birthday with me. I don't want to make them busy by celebrating it for me, cracking their brain for a gift for me, and making a surprise for me. These are to be done by me to them. I'm not that worthy of them treating me this way. I'll feel bad about it. That's why i took leave, to save them from these.

I remember I cried on my way home last year, after they celebrated my birthday with me and Tracy at Swensons at Changi Airport. That was because that was the first birthday without my family then, as I had moved in with my aunt. Another was seeing him unexpectedly just 2 1/2 hours before my birthday then, without knowing if he knew that it was my birthday in a few hours' time. The last, was me feeling very touched by my friends at work, which I very much wanted to tell them immediately then, but again, these words got stuck in my mouth, and couldn't come out. Not even in sms.

** *

Yesterday Rained. Heavily. After having fine weather in the mornings for a week. It's not just me and the Bishan FDICs who didn't put in more than enough daimoku. All the zones who held their outings yesterday too.

It was raining like nobody's business yesterday. Rain. Stop. Rain again. Stop again. Rain somemore. And stop finnaly when we ended the gathering.

We moved our outing from the MacRitchie Reservoir to a few blocks in Bishan. We dragged the timing initally, by going to and fro MacRitchie Reservoir, but eventually, managed to complete our game, and finished on time.

I was really a challenge to us, as well as the SICs, and the students. We must not feel dampened by the rain, and instead, must be able to heighten the spirits of those who were there.

I very much want to thank Yueshan, Joey, Melanie, Vivien for their help in the race, and Gwyrence for helping Ming Wei to collect our lunch. Without them, I don't think Yunting and me can do much, without Chee Poh and Daniel there.

I was so shag when I reach home, that I don't feel like moving already. I ran to here, ran to there.. My leg, hands, shoulders, and even waist are aching now.

After which, Raymond called me, and gave me a deadline of submitting all the information he asked from me for the GSF by 10pm last night. I was like breaking down after hanging up his call. I couldn't take it anymore.

Thank you Kui Bao. It's really my good fortune to ask you to help me in the song 2 years ago. Or I won't be able to move on now. Thanks for settling it together with me. Am really appreciative of your actions. It's my initiative to get this song done, to submit this song to GSF, and also me who felt like giving up on it.

I do feel like a burden to others at times. I admit a can be a tortise at times. I even thought of how nice it would be to slip into a coma, and waking up finding that GSF was over, and had been a success. But still, I know that I may have to face other challenges ahead when I wake up. And what about my parents and those who are concerned about me? I am just being selfish not to consider their feelings.

THANK YOU eveyone! Without anyone of you around, passing my in my life, or staying permanently, I won't be able to go so far. I might have just given up, collasped, or just went crazy long time ago..

Anyway, it's raining like nobody's business again.

Again.. Perhaps..

2006-12-16T10:37:00.000+08:00

Teletubbies say, "Again! Again!"

Yup, again.. I fell again. Yesterday.

Just like the last fall, I was on my way on a homevisit. Again, I was carrying my laptop in my hands. Both homevisits are in Ang Mo Kio. This time, YT, M and V were with me. They helped me up.

This fall is not exactly the same as the last though. I was not wearing skirt. I was wearing jeans. I didn't step on a banana skin. I didn't lift my leg high enough and tripped on an uneven road. I didn't fall nicely with my leg tucked under me. I fell on my fours. My leg didn't bleed. My hand did.

My laptop is still working.. If not, how did I put up this post? Haha.

Anyway, after the fall, I was laughing all my way even until I finished my homevist, and reached home a few hours later. I was laughing at how I fell, and comparing both the falls, which happened in only 2 days apart. I was joking, that either I don't go for homevisits in Ang Mo Kio again to avoid falling, or I continue to go Ang Mo Kio and continue fall until my "falling karma" is completely eradicated.

When YT asked how come I can still laugh when I fall at both times, and make a joke out of it too, V said that some people just laugh their embarassment out.

Perhaps. Cos I told them, that if it were to happen years ago, I would have cried out in pain. Though the wounds are still painful now, I do not feel it as a big deal.

Perhaps it was after how I saw the lady whose leg fell into the gap between the MRT train and the platform, and how she didn't dare to look up, or even thank the people who helped her, that I felt that it is better to thank them, than to feel embarassed and forget about doing things human do: gratitude and appreciation.

This is all human. The other people could jolly well sit there, or walk pass you, without helping you, letting you get up yourself, or letting your leg continue to be stuck in between the doors, and be further injured by letting the door close on your leg.

They are nobody to you. Why do they help you? Because they are human too. Do you want to allow tragedies to happen with the knowlege that you can prevent it? I think most won't bare to do it. Humans are born kind. That's what I believe.

As the Chinese saying goes: 人之初，性本善。

A New Post

2006-12-13T19:46:00.000+08:00

Ok, it's been a long time since I last posted an entry.

Haven't had the mood to blog since some time ago. Too busy.

Actually, I fell down just now, while on my way to a homevisit. Haha.. It's really my good fortune that everytime I fell down, I won't sprain my ankle. If not, it'll be even worse.

Why do you think I fell this time? Haha.. A BANANA SKIN! I thought this only happens in TV, and it actually happened to me! Luckily I didn't fall with my four limbs up. Haha.. YT was with me when I fell, and she say I fell with such a style, as if the fall was choreographed, as if I can choose how to fall.. Haha.. Not that I wanted to fall, and fall nicely, but I had to protect the laptop that I was holding on my hand then. And I was wearing a skirt too.. What's my choice?

Very funny too.. I fell on my right leg, but my left hand has some scratches, and my left leg bleed.. And, once again, I noticed it was bleeding only after walking past a few blocks. And my right leg? No signs of injury.. Hmm..

And just now, I saw a touching scene at my neighbourhood.

Younger Brother: Jie jie, don't walk so fast. Be careful not to fall down. (He spoke this in Mandarin)

The boy is around 3 years old? The girl should be 4 years old ba.. Touching ba..

I guess I'll end this entry in this way. Ha.

After this week ba, perhaps I'll write more then. :P

Blogs that shine

2006-11-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

Happened to see an article from The Straits Times’ Digital Life dated 14 November 2006. Thought maybe I should share it with everyone.

Below are the tips on writing a blog, extracted from the article “Blogs that shine”

Tip #1: Keep it clear. Big words, bad news. Write short, write sweet, write right.

Tip #2: Keep it credible. If readers know you have lived what you write, they will connect with your blog.

Tip #3: Keep it clean. Resist the urge to turn your blog into a fireworks display. Or even make it too pink (ops.. :P)

Tip #4: Get it right. No point grousing about a bad burger if you can’t even get the price right.

Tip #5: Keep it original. There’s only Mr Brown. And that’s because Mr Brown sees life in his own unique, loopy way. Find your own voice. Don’t copy. It’s already been done.

Tip #6: Find a good hook. The best-love books, articles and pop songs have a theme, a loop, something that sticks with the audience (read: Kylie Minogue’s “Na-na-na, na-nana-na” refrain from Can’t Get You Out Of My Head). Try get your blog just as addictive.

Tip #7: Entertain. Whatever you do, don’t bore your reader.

*Courteousy from Serene Goh, editor of IN and Little Red Dot; sereneg@sph.com.sg

Standing alone vs being left out

2006-11-15T15:56:00.000+08:00

I'm bored at office. Let me write another entry today.

I've been with this company for 2 years and 2 months. I had really enjoyed my time here. And I really mean it. If possible, I wouldn't mind working here forever and ever. I love it here, the environment, the people.. I've said this to a lot of people before.

But recently, I can't seem to motivate myself anymore. In the past, even if there were nothing to do, but to sit there and rot, I would be able to find some things to do, be it filing of documents, refiling them, or helping other colleagues on my section. Now, there is really nothing to do. There is nothing for me to even dig out to do. I just sit in front of my computer, and stare blankly at it. I can't read a book, write letter, or do any other things, as my office has a very open concept. I can't go online, as I do not have access to the internet. There's really nothing I could do besides sitting down. I once told one of my colleagues this: "我从早上到现在，只做了一件事，那就是：坐下来。。" (From morning till now, I had done only one thing, that is to sit down)

A month ago, I could still go over to one of my colleagues' place, talk to her, grab some titbits to munch, and talk about crazy things. Since the new girl joined our company, I couldn't make myself do the same anymore. I couldn't talk too much of my thought to her anymore. I've built another wall of defence against her. But I'm not happy about it. She taught me not to share so much things about myself to the new girl. I listened. I learned. And instead, I stopped sharing to her and the other girls altogether. I couldn't bring myself to behave like how I had behaved before. I was a crazy one in front of the rest then. I seldom talk in office now.

I really feel that it's a stupid, to allow the new girl to break our friendship just like that, but I just couldn't bring myself to doing it anymore. I love her, the same for the other girls. I know that by befriending the new girl will hurt her and the rest, but I couldn't bring myself to treat the new girl the way they treat her. Although I know that they do not understand that I see every human being as an unenlightened buddha, I still do feel hurt that things weren't the same anymore.. I know that it's not them. It's me who built this wall of defence, and I am suffocating behind this wall. How do I break them away? I've learnt to be a builder, now, someone teach me how to be a breaker, or a destroyer..

It seems like I could get friends quite quickly, but I couldn't really keep friends. I'm talking about non-gakkai friends. I have had quite a number of very close friends from primary school till now, but when we graduate into different schools and different jobs, I can't seem to get in touch with them often. Or should I say I didn't stay in touch with them instead?

I see how my sister, Ailing, Ester, Anny, Jing Hui, and more TP school friends being so close even till now, but I can't see mine. I don't know the parents of my TP friends, some of them I don't know where they stay, they don't know much about me either, as in they don't know me that well. How could I expect them to know me that well, when I don't even know myself that well in the first place?

All these drives me crazy, and it hurts too.. but then, please remember your this pointer: Not to do anything that hurt my loved ones, even if it means hurting myself.

To myself: Understand yourself first. Try to understand your needs and desires. Only then can others can understand you.. And then understand others..

Sony Ericson Z610i vs Panasonic VS2

2006-11-15T11:46:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow is the day. I'll know if I'm lucky enough to win the Sony Ericson Z610i.
Entered a quiz contest by the Straits Times Urban section, and had sent an email to participate in this contest. If I'm chosen, I'll get a Sony Ericson Z610i. Then, if the colour is but pink, I can choose to give it to my dad, who keep asking for a bluetooth phone, so that he can go hands free when he drive, and upgrade my contract to a pink Z610i.. if it is pink, I will keep it of course, and upgrade my line and get a bluetooth phone for my dad.

Of course, I may not be able to win the phone, as the chances are slim. (I saw Waisum's name on the Urban section as one of the editors, hopefully she cando something when she sees my name.. hee..) If not getting the phone is the case, then I'll upgrade mine to Z610i pink then, when there is stock, as at my last check, pink is out-of-stock.. but with my plan (Singtel Classic), I need to pay $200.. cos my current phone won't worth $200 for trade-in.. haiZz.. the most expensive phone I ever paid for, was with $100, my Samsung A310 (or is it A320? forgot) 4 years ago..

I was also thinking of getting Panasonic VS2 instead. Cos i like the colour. Pink! Haha.. A phone that looks cute and feminine.. but people have been giving me negative feedback about Panasonic phones.. HaiZ.. this phone is going at $0.. And this IS THE PHONE that I was looking for.. but pink is currently out-of-stock too..
Actually, I'm in a dilemma of whether to upgrade my phone, and which one is the best choice, so that I won't regret, or rather cannot regret cos it was my choice. I've got people telling me that Sony Ericson, Samsung, Nokia are some brands to consider. I've also got a friend who highly recommend Nokia to me, as she has no problems using it till now, while she encountered numerous faults with Sony Ericson and Samsung, discouraging me to buy them.. but I have had my experience of having a Nokia phone auto shutting down.. And friends who sent their Nokia phones to the service centres, immediately after their purchase, for so many times that Nokia changed another phone for them. I nearly had mine changed too..

Then my sister recommend Sony Ericson, and most of my colleagues are Sony Ericson hardcore fans. But my aunt told me that one of her colleague need to spend 5 full minutes to ON her Sony Ericson phone everytime.. I was like "duh! So no need to buy le lo.."

I'm not choosing Samsung this time, cos most of it are in black colour now. Yes, the colour is sleek and nice, but I'm not looking for such a powerful looking phone.. I prefer less solid colours..

From what I gather, the phones nowadays do not last. They are no longer as stable as they used to be, as companies are now waging in hot battles against each other in the release of new phones with more new functions. And they face out as fast as they are introduced too, if not faster. There is no one brand that is more superior than others in an all-rounded manner. They are all as good, and as bad, as each other. The only differences are whether you are "heng" (lucky) or you are "suay" (unlucky) in getting a phone, and to see when your phone gives problems, not whether it gives you problems.

My current phone is already 2 years and 5 mths old.. it's only a basic phone, but at least with polyphonic ringtones.. it's not that old till only having only mono ringtones.. it's still working and considered "healthy", with one of the keys being more stubborn only. Had not taken it for service at all till now. So I "heng" lo.

touched by another brave angel

2006-11-14T21:41:00.000+08:00

Just saw the TV programme 《爱要怎么说》. Really touched by the girl's bravery. Her name is Rachel. Michelle even cried when Rachel told the guy, whom she had been secretly admiring for 5 years long, that she love him.. Although the ending was not a perfect "I love you too" situation, and hopefully they'll be able to remain as great friends, I really hope that the ending would be otherwise.. I cried for her too.. and for myself...

My parents having been telling me about getting a boyfriend since the begining of the year. I do feel stressed at times, and get upset by the fact that i do not have one yet, and my sister's is already introduced to them. My mum keep telling me how most of my cousins, who are all older than me, the younger ones have had boyfriends years before the older ones found their husbands.

Oh well, I know, but it's been a dream since I was 12, to get married to someone whom I love, and loves me deeply too, and my target then was by the age of 24.. it's only a year from now, and I had not even had my first boyfriend..

As years goes by, expectations changes.. But it seemed like I didn't change. I still can't break my wall of defence. There isn't anyone who could break through it yet. There isn't anyone who I feel comfortable baring my hearts and soul to, to let him see the real me.. Maybe there is, but it's longer there anymore..

A round of applause for Rachel, for her bravery!!

Absent-minded me...

2006-11-12T20:27:00.000+08:00

Ops, I nearly forgot to do something which I am supposed to do.. I realised it only at 5pm.. Wao.. So late.. luckily, I called up the place to ask if it's available before making my way there.. HaiZ.. Sick until forgot everything..

Sorry, can't say what it is now.. After tomorrow then can I reveal.. :P

Anyway, bought it.. Hee.. if not, I'll be bashed up tomorrow.. :P

Sick I am

2006-11-12T12:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, I'm sick.. I mean, I'm not that "sick", but sick as in ill.. didn't see the doctor though, but am still feeling googy.. the feeling of recovering, but not very much recovered..

Started having sore throat on Friday evening, after my dinner.. Thought it'll go away by gulping down lots of honey.. but then it still persisted till yesterday..

Yesterday was worse.. I felt feverish while I was at Vivien's place.. HaiZz.. At that point of time, I thought, "Ops, later I'm meeting Rachel, and will be having our Soka Women Glorious Victory Meeting. I'm the emcee, and there are more things for me to do.. I can't afford to be sick!!"

It's really mystical, that during the meeting, I felt my sore throat gone, and perhaps because I need to be at my highest life condition for the meeting, I didn't remember that I was sick. Haha.. At least the meeting was not spoilt because of me being ill..

But after the meeting, when I reached home, I was like dead log.. I felt my fever back, and went straight to sleep till this morning..

Am still feeling that my health is not at it's normal state, cos my mouth feels funny, my ears are blocked, my head feels a little heavy, my joints are a little numb..

And the sky looks as bad as yesterday.. I had planned to go for morning gongyo this morning, then shopping at bugis, then marina square, and to watch Hanz's competition for Chingay at Takashimaya, but am not sure if I could make it to that performance later or not..

Oh no! if it's going to rain, will it affect Hanz's competition?!? Sorry Hanz, if I can't turn up for your performance.. I very much want to watch you "live".. it's been 2 years since we last met up.. hope you are doing well..

Of course, to all my old friends, young friends, long time friends, new friends, I miss you all.. I'm not someone who puts feelings into words, but I want to say that I love every single one of you, and misses all of you.. Hope that all of you are doing much better than me.. :)

And thanks, Huimin, for your encouragement despite your busy schedule there. That's what I needed.

Do I sound depressed? As though I'm not getting any better and thus want to tell everyone how much I love you all? Nope, It's not because of this.. I had always wanted to say this to everyone personally, but the words just got stuck in my mouth, and it always couldn't come out..

But, I do think that I sound depressed..

Hair Cut again?

2006-10-30T19:19:00.000+08:00

I didn't add this yesterday.. I further chopped off my hair yesterday.. Although I didn't mean to, but it seems like whenever I experience setback, I cut my hair..

I had wanted to cut it last weekend, but was so tired, that I slept the whole afternoon last Sunday.

Better buck up.. People out there are waiting for you to make a difference.. remember your points to note?

Points to Note:
* Not to do anything that hurt my loved ones, even if it means hurting myself
* Make a positive difference, so that people around me can feel it* Be a good listener, do not impose myself on others
* To be happy, be grateful
* Everyone on Earth are related. Prejudice was just introduced to human beings.

HaiZz..

2006-10-29T19:36:00.000+08:00

Friday Rendezvous just ended.. How was it? Overall, should be quite good.. Cos I wasn't there listening most of the time..

Then, what about my item? IT SUCKS! if that 's the only word to be used.. I hate it! I shan't further elaborate.. those who were there should know what happened.. And I spent the whole Saturday with self doubt.. I doubted whether I could really do it.. I thought that it would be better if we sticked to our initial plan of not performing for this Friday Rendezvous.. ARGH!!

Even people at band asked if I was ok, and why I looked so glum at the practice.. What could I say? I spent nearly the whole day with tears nearly choking me.. I could only force back my tears, replying that I was tired.. But I was really disappointed with my performance.. ZR say that he feel the did me wrong by keep playing wrongly.. What I could say was just that it's over.. not point saying that.. but I thought that he should jolly well know that once the performance is over, it's over.. If he knows that he'll feel sorry, why don't we just make more efforts in practicing before the performance, and making it blunder free, rather than feeling sorry after that? It's no use! Apologising won't turn back time!!

We are performing not to show our skills (we've got not skills to show!), but to encourage another person, to making them feel relax with our songs and performance.. although it is a small performance, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't put in our best!! As a performer, even if there is only one audience, we must do the best in our performance to encourage and inspire that one person..

I'm partly at fault, by not reminding him that daimoku is also a very important factor for a performance. I'm also at fault by not having daimoku sessions held for this Friday Rendezvous..

You know how nervous, lousy, and stressed up I was when I waiting for you to turn up, and when I saw people who I thought are better? I'm not as "zai" as you think I am.. I grew up an inferior and shy child.. you never knew that.. I always doubt myself.. I always have identity crisis.. It must be more frequent that anyone that I know on earth.. I always never believed that I could do what I wanted to do.. especially to sing.. I have no confidence at all.. Even though I did sang solo in front of a 900+ strength audience twice before, after this performance, I really spent a whole day asking myself if I could really sing.. I know that I can do it, and I want to do it, but I always doubt it.. and it didn't help that my father objected the idea of me singing before..

Luckily I managed to pick myself up a little yesterday just before the 4 division meeting.. I was the emcee.. How can I afford to let my life condition be at hell and anger? But I really do feel better after the meeting.. just like before, when I force myself to be happy as the situation didn't permit me to me upset, it worked..

And I purposely went the Morning Gongyo at SHQ this morning.. I needed lots of daimoku, and a very strict guidance.. it seemed like Mr. Ong's guidance was really for me today.. He said something like this: If one is afraid of criticism, one cannot grow. If one is afraid of failure..." I didn't catch the most important sentence.. if anyone reading this was in the morning gongyo this morning, please help me fill in the blanks.. many thanks..

I better stop now.. or my life condition will be back at hell and anger..

shrug

2006-10-27T15:30:00.000+08:00

I'll be performing with Zhi Rhong at Friday Rendezvous later this evening.. How am I feeling? I didn't feel that this is real, and thought that it'll pass very quickly.. This is the first time that I'm performing for Friday Rendezvous, after a break of 2 years. The last time was at SHQ in a December, with at least 900 audiences? Although that was quite an experience, I can't seem to recall the feeling of performing solo.. It should be quite scary at first, and then the feeling of calmness in the middle of the song, and the feeling of "that's it?" when I got off the stage..

Another problem is that, I'm not sure how many audiences will there be tonight.. There may not be a lot, as students are having exams, and holidays are not here yet. But I know that for November and December, the place will be packed.

The last time that I've performed at SYC, was an October too.. But I've thought of performing in a November, but now, it'll be with my students there as audience as well, I do think I'll feel more stressed. Luckily I'm their IC. If I'm also a student of their age, they will be the ones who I thought are so "in" and outgoing, that I dared not talk to them, furthermore perform in front of them? I'll feel that they could do better than me, and bad eggs might be thrown at my face..

well... *shrug*

Another of That Thought

2006-10-19T20:25:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry..
Did I hurt you?
I didn't mean to..
I hope that you are alright..

Cos I'm not..
I'm hurt..
Deep down..
But need not bother about me..
Cos as long as you are alright..
I'll heal..
Eventually..
Someday..

But...

I'm really sorry..

** *

Points to Note:
* Not to do anything that hurt my loved ones, even if it means hurting myself
* Make a positive difference, so that people around me can feel it
* Be a good listener, do not impose myself on others
* To be happy, be grateful
* Everyone on Earth are related. Prejudice was just introduced to human beings.

Think That Thought

2006-10-15T22:45:00.000+08:00

I'm shallow. That's what I think about myself. I can't seem to have anything in mind to speak about. Not to my colleagues, not to my members, not even to myself. Most of the time, I think that I am lame, that kind of lame-ness which I don't even like myself to be doing. And besides being lame whenever I speak, I don't know any other ways to interact. I don't. I always wanted to be a demure, sweet and knowledgeable young lady, but I ended up being loud, crazy, ignorant. A total opposite of what I wanted to be. Why? I had been a shy and introvet child, who doesn't speak much. Why is the change in me like this? I can't portray myself otherwise now. It's very difficult.

** *

A young lady slipped and fell in front of me last thursday. It wasn't on a normal road. It was in the MRT. She had tried to run into the train when the door started closing. And she lost her footing, and her right leg fell into the gap between the train and the platform, when the door closed halfway. I was standing at that door. The immediate reaction that me and two other male passengers had, was to hold on to the door, and try to pry it open, to allow the lady to "retrive" her leg. Another lady had helped her to get up. Luckily she was wearing jeans.

Everybody and turned to look at her direction. It must have been really embarrassing for her, as she dared not look up at that instant. She didn't even thank the lady, nor the two men who helped her.

That's a typical Singaporean. Can't really blame her though. If it was me, I would also have hoped that I wasn't there at all. But it's just basic courtesy to thank people who helped you in one way or another. Where are Singaporeans' manners?

** *

I wrote about having 3 new colleagues in my last blog. The one that I had mentioned was my coursemate, in my batch, in Temasek Polytechnic, whom I had never seen in my whole poly life. Now's I'm going to mention another lady.

She didn't manage to build quite a good image even before she first stepped into our office. A week before she came, there were already rumors that she had ran off after working a few days, in another of our subsidary companies. People, and even those in my "gang", had started to talk about her, "betting" on how long she'll stay, and things like that. Besides, she didn't live a good impression to all the other Finance colleagues in the week that she was here either. I hear comments about her being unfriendly, looking fierce, trying to dig into people's words, but kept all of hers to herself, etc, etc.

She had actually talked to us, that's me and Shaun, when she at last joined us for lunch. She did have more smile on her face by then, and she even tell me that she's going to the canteen to pack her lunch last Friday. People started giving me advise on not to give her too much information about them to her, and about me to her too, as she maybe trying to scheme or something like that.. But I thought that we should give her a little bit more time to adapt. This time round, she is a permanent staff, not a temporary staff, who will eventually leave in a few months' time. I feel that it's a little too much of us to give her a "death sentence" even before she can defend herself.

Maybe she had been hurt in her previous jobs, and thus a wall of defence was built from the begining? Shouldn't we, then, help to melt her wall, and bring her closer to humanity, letting her know that there are still very nice people out there.

I don't know. I really don't know. The advices that I've been receiving does not match those that I think are right. What can I do?

Wad?

2006-10-05T21:56:00.000+08:00

It's already 2 weeks since my last posting. I wasn't that busy. I just didn't feel like blogging. Didn't feel that i have any topics to blog on.

An update in my office: we had 3 more new staff since Monday. One of them was from my school, TP, in my course, Diploma in Business, and in my batch too. But I had never saw her in school before. She's from Myanmar. The first thing I asked her once I got to know her nationality, was to ask if she knew a 3rd year classmate of mine, Ma May Win Thu. She knew! Hmm.. TP isn't that big. How come I didn't meet her in school during the 3 years we were there together.. Fate? Destiny?

Anyway, people out there, is there anyway that I can gain weight, without taking any supplements or getting any injections or taking any medicine or any cosmetic surgery or any of these sorts? I do eat a lot, despite what I wrote 2 blogs ago (that was an exceptional). But I'm trying to have some savings by spending less on food (this is the only expense that I can cut down on). What can I do? It's really depressing when you can't get any clothes you like cos they are too big, when they are already the smallest..

I'm in a fix...

Lending a helping hand..

2006-09-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

I met a blind young Indian lady Hougang. She asked me for help to the taxi stand. I took her there and helped her catch a cab as well. The first taxi driver, knowing that I won't be following her, rejected her as his passenger, who wanted to go to Bukit Panjang. The second uncle stopped and helped her carry her heavy lugguage to the boot, while I led her to the door.

After leaving her to the taxis uncle, I couldn't help but think about what I just did. Why was she all alone there with a huge luggage and a foldable chair, wanting to go all the way to Bukit Panjang? Why aren't there anyone there with her? Is it safe for her to be alone with the taxi uncle, and yet can't see if he's going the correct way, or if he has any other intentions on her? Does she has enough money to pay the taxi uncle when she reach her destination? Will there be anyone fetching her at her destination? Or is she a cheat who will cheat the uncle of the taxi money? Why didn't I take down the taxi's car plate number?

Well, I don't know. I can't get any of the questions anwered now, unless (touchwood) it got into the newspapers. Hope that both of them are safe.

Change? Me? For the worse? Or for the better?

2006-09-17T23:09:00.000+08:00

I thought I had
But I realise I couldn't
I thought I could
But I realise it couldn't

Had I let go?
Or could I let go?
Could I hold it back?
Or should I just let it
Flow down my face...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Although today is a Sunday, I had woke up the same time that I do everyday. I was "forced" by Geraldine...

Today, I realise that I can't eat that much anymore. This was after having 2 pieces of chicken picnic ham with plain water for breakfast, 2 small cupcakes and a packet of Yeos soya drink for lunch at 3pm, 2 more pieces of the ham and a cup of oats drink for dinner at 9pm yesterday, and feeling real hungry this morning, but past my breakfast time and couldn't eat anymore when Geraldine had her breakfast, and had lunch at 11.30am as I felt so hungry, but ended up feeling puke-y when I only finished half the plate of my food. I couldn't finish my plate of Wan-Tan Mee during dinner at 7.30pm again.. Ate only half of it..

People who doesn't see me often tells me that I'm getting more and more skinny. Perhaps it because I "chopped" of my long hair. My hair was gone a month ago. People ask me "Why had you cut off your beautiful long hair?" and tell me "Hey, you look nice in this new short hair style." But I didn't plan for it to look nice on me. I just wanted to chop it of, after having it for 8 years. Most people who knows me must had thought that I had long hair all my life. But no. I had short hair all my life, that is until 8 years ago, when I was in Secondary 3.

So why did I chop it off? I told everyone that I suffered a very big blow, and thus chopped it off. But in fact, I had wanted to cut it off 2 years ago, even before I first reborned my hair. I just wanted to give myself a chance to try other things on my hair before I cut it off, to see if it suits me then. Another reason was that I wanted to start things all over again, from scratch, just like growing my hair, but found that my hair grows real fast, and I'll need to spend more money to trim them everytime. In the past, I had went to the hairdresser only once, or the most twice, a year only. I think by the next time that I'm hitting the salon, it'll be over my shoulders again..

But am I giving myself a chance in everything that I meet? Or am I just pushing myself to a deadlock, to a no-return road? More often recently, my tears had not been listening to me. What can I do to fight it back? What can I do fulfil my first wish on my wishlist?

I'm Back!

2006-09-07T22:00:00.000+08:00

Back? Back what? *puzzled*

Ok.. I'm back in action in blogging. I can't promise that I'll update frequently, but I'll try.

I've just got a new computer, or rather, a laptop. A Samsung Q35 laptop, at the price of $2010. Quite a good bargain huh? *nod head* I've bought this at the Comex Fair on 1 September 2006. It was stated at the brochure that it's usual price is $2699, and the show price was $2099 on the first day, with 512MB Ram. And on the second day, it's price dropped to $1999.

At first, I wanted a laptop with 1GB Ram, with Yvonne's help, she bargained to upgrade it to 1GB Ram at $10. Wow!

I've also bought a colour laser Printer, a Fuji Xerox C525A printer. With a free duplex worth $508!! Wow Wow!! It was just delivered to my home this evening, but haven't fix to the laptop cos I haven't found a place to put my printer..

The Comex Fair was held at the Expo from 31 August to 3 September 2006. And guess how many days I popped over at Expo? Haha.. You won't believe it. Yes! I was there everyday!! On the first day, I was there to see-see-look-look.. I took lots of brochures to compare the price and the specs. I went on the second day with the intention of conslt Yvonne on the specs of the laptop and printer, but ended up buying the laptop with Yvonne's superb bargaining skills. Hee.. The 3rd day, I went to place an order for the printer, while accompanying at aunt there. The last day, I accompanied my sister there, while she bought a BenQ LCD Monitor.. And the SD cards and thumb drives were so cheap, that you really cannot believe it!!

Ok, now that I'm all equipped, I can print what ever I need. Yeeay!

And by the way, if you turn up the volume of ur computer, you'll also find that I've changed the background music.. Yes..

So till the next post, cya..

after all these.. then..?

2006-08-18T23:17:00.000+08:00

Finally, the FD Project Fusion Part II - IGNITES! is finally over.. To most, my part ain't over yet. As the video for Sensei and for our post celebration is not out yet.. Or should I say, that I'm not sure if it's out yet? The whole video thing will be done by LiYu, despite her being only a secondary 3 student. She has great potential in video-ing, and her dream course is Diploma in Film Sound, or some sort.. Our future aspiring Movie Director!!

In order to accomplish the task that was given upon me as a Marketing and Reporting Main IC for this project, I shed dunno-how-many buckets of tears.. First it was YT (it seems ok now le..) then it was overwhelming responsiblities from my district's discussion meeting, my SNCWE's weekly practices, my FD Zone's targets, and this project's deadlines.. At nearly all Friday daimokukais, I really felt that all these falls too heavy on me, especially when it was reaching weekends.. My weekends seemed to be more packed than my weekdays then..

It's really my good fortune that I have Li Yu with me. Without her, I really don't know how the video will turn out like.. Or whether there will be any video at all, since I know nuts about it.. Even though I'm a FDIC now, I still feel a bit hesitant when asking the students, be it the performers, or the audiences, or other ICS to share with me their thoughts and feelings, as I feel that it's not their obligation to answer my questions, and that by interviewing them, I will be disturbing them in doing their duties.

From the practices up to the performance days, my secondary school days feelings returned. In the past, I had always separated people of my age in school into 2 catagories. One is the "superior, "in", and "high" profile" peopl, and the other is the direct opposite, that the "inferior, "out", and graduates from the school without any traces". I belong the the latter, and I always didn't dared to even talk to the "superior" cluster..

So, what has this got to do with the performers? Cos I feel that they are the "superior" cluster, and I dared not talk to them, even when I am a FD IC now. Of course, my meaning of "superior" is not really that they are superior. It's just that they are more verbal, and they make friends faster. They are a kind of stress for me.. However, Freddie from Rhythm dance group changed my view. In actual fact, they are all still kids in their teens.. Despite making me feel all those I said above, Freddie made me realise that they too need other people to acknowledge them, that they are doing fine, moving in the correct directions..

By post celebration, I should have gotten a new laptop, and a new printer... yeaZ! But still, I don't know what I want in a comp, as in the specs and things. Is there any kind souls out there who can help me? Perhaps can give me a call? Well, you see, I can't check this blog everyday, until I get my new laptop...

So, till then....

Putting a Brave Front vs Being a Hypocrite

2006-06-28T21:27:00.000+08:00

Can I? Can I write out all the negative thoughts in my mind? This is killing me.. My students, members, and friends are reading my blog.. Should I set an example by updating all the positive things, and keep the negative ones to myself? Or should I setup another blog as an anonymous and blast out all my unhappiness? I think that I'm just one step away from being an autistic..

Well, I feeling better now.. It was a few days ago that I was feeling so out.. feeling not myself.. feeling so sad..

So, what happened? I think it must have been the simultaneous appearance of a few problems that made me like that. My colleagues even told me the next day that I looked like a going-to-errupt volcano.. I thought I must have looked like a flood, or tsunami.. I felt like I was going to cry anytime..

I think firstly was, while I was being one of the judges with other FD ICs for the FD Concert audition, we talked about taking vocal lessons.. Susan said that I should take up vocal lessons as I could sing along with a guitar.. I had not told Susan about my passion for singing before that.. Of course, I had been, and still is, looking at the schedule of the school of my desired school, and I also told her and Kui Bao that it was just that I didn't have the time, and their timing doesn't suits me.. Of course, this is one of the reasons.. Another reason was that despite my deepest desire to learn, I think I never believed that I could do it.. It could partly be that my dad did not allow me to pursue this interest when I asked him a few years ago, before I graduated from poly.

There are a lot of things which I dared not do, without my dad's approval. It doesn't mean that he doesn't allow me now, but things that he once didn't allow me to do, I never did till now.. Things like pursuing singing, things like having a boyfriend.. I know that I am an adult now, but it's his disagreement that, that makes me think more that 3, 4, 5 times, and is even making me think of giving up..

His comments were, and are very important to me, and I think he still doesn't know it.. Every things that he suan me, I could take it very seriously, even though he maybe just kidding. I remember once, I'm not sure if I mentioned, that just before a 4 division discussion meeting, where I was supposed to be one of the emcees, for my first time. He suan-ed me.. And I cried on the spot.. And I had to pick up myself immediately to have a high life condition (to be happy), to make the other members feel happy attending the meeting..

Same thing about having a boyfriend, I once asked my dad (I can't remember how old I was then) when I could get one, and he said after poly.. But my sister continued out of his will to have a couple of boyfriends before settling on Justin now. He is my sister's first boyfriend whom my parents admits to. But for me, I am still a runner, like I had always been, running away from all these.. I always think that I am not good enough.. I feel that they deserve better.. I would feel happier if he found his true happiness (not absolute happiness ar..).. As for other guy friends, they either join my "sisters' club", or I join in their "brothers' club".. Haha..

Ok, I digressed..

The next thing that happend was that I argued with YT. I was MAD! Very MAD! And she too was MAD, and we couldn't listen to each other at all! (Even though I know that her character is like this, but I still couldn't believed that she argued with me, and is not doing anything about doing her own human revolution!) I realised after that argument, that I am someone who bear grudges. I will remember the things that we argued for. Maybe it's because of this, and that's why at times I couldn't get along with my sister. Cos I bear grudges..

But immediately after that arguement, I have to use my sweetess and happiest voice to call my students to ask them for their attendance for the FD Cultural Night. Here is my question: Am I putting up a brave front and trying to encourage my students, or am I being a hypocrite, who actually knows that I was not in my tip top condition, but have to fake it to encourage my students?

I do admit, that I do feel better after trying to sound happy while calling them. I realise that at that point of time, while thinking about others' problems, mine really seemed lots smaller than it initially seemed.

At the same time, I saw my sister's blog entry. Haha.. It's really ironic.. Yes, she had asked why other sisters seemed to get along so well with each other, while we don't. I do envy Huiling and Huimin, where they are at 2 different countries now, and yet they communicated through each others' blogs, sending each other encouragements. Perhaps cos I'm jealous. Jealous of my sister's confidence, of her self esteem, of how she could easily get boyfriends while I was running away from it, and that she found her passion in fashion while I still am not sure where my mission lies..

To many, I may seem to be someone who has lots of self-confidence, as I do perform on stage, be it singing, band performance, or dancing.. But when I am alone with myself, deep down inside me, I think I am really someone who lacks self-confidence, with the lowest self esteem (I am slandering the law, cos I know that I have my Buddha nature too, and am an unenlightened Buddha..), who doesn't really think that she could accomplish anything new without support from others (hey! where's my standing along spirit?!?), who can't even see the road to the future, even though I know that there must be a reason why I am born into this world.. Wao.. Identity crisis at this age.. People must be laughing their teeth off.. Ha! Ha! (am I being a fake to laugh at this juncture?)

And to think that my sister actually looks up to me, as "being merticulous, someone who really takes care of her members, and looks after her things" while she's not.. Ha! Ha! again.. I admit that I keep my things better than her, am neater and more careful than her, but I don't think I really takes that good care of my members.. I sometimes do get a little unbalanced with the multiple responsibilities, and feel guilty about it.. But her confidence is enough to cover all these.. I remember asking her what I should wear from poly till my first half year working, as I always think that she has better fashion sense, but I just won't admit to it.. Perhaps depite my low self esteem, my ego is quite high.. ironic huh? It's only now that I moved out that I can't ask her opinion on my dressing.

I admit I do feel angry about her at times, and it is clearly written on my face but I won't say what's bothering me.. I just keep quiet, and not talk about it, even though it 's very obvious that I was not feeling good.. But it's mostly her untidiness, in her room (cos she now takes the master, and I share the room with her when I'm home), and I really cannot stand it. I thought that if she welcomes me home, she should at least tidy up her room for me.. Ok.. At least now it's better..

Really, after so much, I think that it's really my daimoku that's lacking.. Cos after my chapter daimokukai on Monday, and a dialogue and daimoku kai on Tuesday, I feel a lot more revitalised.. The problems doesn't seem to be there too..

And I got the news yesterday, that one of my colleagues got a miscarriage.. I was shocked. I was happily preparing to be the little one's god-sister, and we kept asking the colleague to be careful.. Think it's probably that the little one do not have a mission on earth yet..

Since the news of my colleague's pregnancy, I really feel that I want to be a mother.. soon.. I had always wanted to be one since I was 12, and my target was by 24 years old then, and it's nearing.. There are so much that I want to teach my little one.. But this wish will not be coming true anywhere in near future, even if I have the chance to..

Ok.. anyway, just chant lot of daimoku, ok? For my that colleague, my family, my members, my friends, for him, and lastly, myself...

Useless me...

2006-05-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

I just had 2 of my lower teeth extracted this morning. I feel so lousy.. It must be that my daimoku was not enough.

I remember that I had my first 2 tooth taken out about half a year ago. I was very brave then. I had, and still have, extreme phobia of needles. Yes. Injection needles.. Since young, due to my phobia of needles, I never had my baby teeth extracted at the dentist. They gave way themselves. And yet, I went alone without any fear of the extraction half a year ago. The jabs at the outer gums were not painful, but the ones inside were really very painful.. Too painful to bear. But I still went through it without any fear.

However, my fear had began 2 night before this time. I had even cried in front of the dentist before she gave me the jabs. The jabs this time were not as painful as half a year ago, but the mental stress of having to take the jabs make me broke down. I cried from before the dentist gave me the jab, till I took all the 4 jabs, and was left alone for 5 minutes for the antiseptic to numb the gums.

I really felt that I was really useless, crying at such little things. Although I slept through the whole afternoon when I reached home after the extraction, I had actually cried even in my sleep. The tears were shed, for the cowardness that I showed at the dentist, and for realising that I am defeated my my own fear.

Yet, I have to brace myself, for later's 4 division meeting...

Day 4 - Recollection of Visit to Grindelwald & Gimmelwald

2006-05-15T16:45:00.000+08:00

The time now is 8.30 am. I am on my way back to Zurich, where I'll be visiting the Rheinfall. The trip will be taking us 3 hours by train to reach our destination, which will be approximately 11.30am. We'll be needing to change trains at Ber, at Zurich, and at Winterthur. Now, I know why the lower decks of the train the so quite. Cos it is the quite area.

Yesterday, we were adventurous enough to visit 3 places - Grindelwald, Gimmelwald, and Murren. Wee, they aren't tha far apart, as both are only about 1/2 hours train journey from Interlaken Ost.

Once we reached Grindelwwald, we wasked around for places of interest where we could go. The answers we got was none, except if we go up to Jungfraudjoich, which will cost us more than CHF100 each. We didn't plan to go up to Jungfraud, due to the cost that we'll incur, as well as the fact that we had already went up to Matterhorn, and Junfraud, although it's a different mountain, asa well as of a differenet height (Jungfraud if the Top of Europe), both are still mountains, and we couldn't see the difference.

Although so, we did take a bus ride up to Busslap, another lower mountain, where we could see Jungfraud. However, the coulds were still low. There was a point where the bus drove through the clouds! Imagine how low the clouds were! Besides this, the road up the mountain was very narrow and curvy! It was so narrow, that from my seat, I though that the road is narrower that the bus! And with such a narrow road, when the bus was making turns, I could see straight down the mountain, as if any moment, the wheels will get off the track and the bus falls down the mountain!Of course, the bus did not meet with any accidents, if not, howwill I be able to write these now?

For this ride, we paid CHF 19.80 each, which is 1/2 of the normal price again, as we have the Swiss Pass. Can you imagine? I paid CHF19.80 to scare myself? Well, I did learn and see a lot of things too! I saw lots of the summer huts on the mountain, and learned that the families only return to theirhuts in summer, as the other times were too cold. I wonder if they need to buy the piece of land their huts is on.

When we reached back at Grindelwald, we realised that it is a Sunday, and most shops were closed. But still, I managed to buy a cap for brother, but I don't know if he would likre it. If not, I'll have it myself then. Besides, I've also bought a fashion watch at CHF64.60 after discount. It has quite a long face, and its strap is tourqoise in colour. This is considered the most expensice watch that I bought for myself. I only buys watches that were SGD10, and the most expensive watches were a Fossil wacth from Geralding and sister, for my 21st birthday, and a Citizen watch from my group of colleagues for my 22nd. What a splurge!

The next destination was Gimmelwald and Murren. They are just a cable car stop next to each other. Remember I said that we went back to Interlaken Ost from Grindelwald? It was the same train to Gimmelwald. It's just that at one of the stations, the train spolits into 2, with 1/2 of the train going to Lauterbrunnen, which was the station to alight for Gimmelwald, and the other 1/2 to Grindelwald. From Lauterbrunnen, we took a bus to __________, where we took a cable car (free) up to Gimmelwald.

Once we reached that station, all those in the bus who saw the cable wires got a shock of their lives! Of course, this includes me. The gradient of the slope was so steep, that one can hardly imagine! In Singapore, our cable cars are all horizontal to the ground, but the one in Gimmelwald was from 2 very different heights! The cable car, unlike Singapore's, can occupy a lot of people, all standing up, and there is only one cable car, going up, and the same one going down, unlike the ones in Singapore, where a cabin only caters for a few people, and there are a number of cabins on each wire.

The scary part was not going up, but in the middle of the trip up, there will be a tower that holds the wire. It's after this wire that the cabin will have a slight drop in height, and made me feel that I lost my legs. This was the 2nd scare on the same day.

Once on Gimmelwald, we saw that it's very different from Grindelwald, where it's like a small shopping town, it's more like a chalet town in Gimmelwald, where there are cows, sheeps, chickens, and even horses around, and they have vegetable and even flowere plantations. It's a very relaxing and serene place.

Next was Murren. Same thing, there's only one cabin up to Murren from Gimmelwald, and the same thing happened at halfway of the journey up. Murren is like the in-between of Gimmelwald and Grindelwald. It does not have the shops like Grindelwald, but it has lots of hotels and chalets, and the houses are quite packed in a systematic order. However, it also has the atmosphere of Gimmelwald, where it's relaxing and serene.

The way back to ___________ was even scarier! Imagine the height going up Gimmelwald. Next we were going down! Wow! I lost megs for a even longer period of time!

As the places we went yesterday were of shorter distances, we thus could get back earlier, and walked around Interlaken Ost. There, we saw lots of people paragliding! The people coming down from the skies seemed to be neverending. At first, we thought that they are from a club or society for paragliding, but it was when we walked further down the street, that we realised that they were doing business, providing the paragliding service. I wouldn't mind trying that, but it's just that I don't know how to navigate the glides, thus someone must accompany me. But, I won't want to paraglide with a stranger. No. It's too dangerous. There would only be the 2 of you up there, and you will feel so helpless. Now is 10.45am. Reached Zurich airport. In around 45 minutes, I could be reaching Wintherthur.

Day 3 - Recollection of Visit to Zermatt, Matterhorn

2006-05-14T19:30:00.000+08:00

The time now is 1.30pm. I'm now at Grindelwald, waiting for the train to return to Interlaken Ost, where we will contrinue our trip to Gimmelwald.

We went to Zermatt yesterday. To get up to Matterhorn via train, we paid CHF36 each, which is 1/2 the price, as we have the Swiss Pass. Initially, before going up the Matterhorn, we had wanted to take the cable car up instead, as it is cheaper, and the last time that I took a cable car was when I was an infant. I can't even remember how it is like. As we walked towards the cable car station, we saw 2 groups of people having hocky match. And the music they played while having the match was so high, that it suits the match to the max! As we got nearer the station, we saw 2 people, whom we asked for direction, and they told us that that the train is more worthwhile, as there was too much snow at the cable car station at the top. Thus, we walked all the way back to the train station. The CHF36 paid was really worthy!

On our way up, we saw the Matterhorn from various abgles, and took lots of pictures! The sky was also clear enough for us to see the tip of Matterhorn. This is also the first time that I saw and stepped on snow! I, too, made my first snowball. Now then I realise, that snow looks just like the ice for ice kachang!

We went to the restaurant there, and realised that it's prices were similar with Curten-Kulm, reasonable. That was the most lunch that I ate since day 1 in Switzerland. I had to recover my energy, as the air at such a height was thinner, I experienced shortness of breathe. Besides, the snow, with the sun shinning on it, was so glaring, that my eyes needed rest too! My eyes were fo tired, that I dozed off on the way down.

On the way down, we saw that the tip of Matterhorn was covered by clouds and could no longer be seen, just like what Maimunah had said. So, it's really the protection of the shoten zenjin that we managed to see the Matterhorn clearly at least once.

Back at Zermatt, I bought the jigsaw puzzle of Matterhorn, as well as my 3rd ice-cream in Switzerland. At one point, I even lost my footing, and tripped over my own foot. With Gohonzon's protection, I didn't even twist my ankle!

Day 2.5 - Recollection of Visit to Thun

2006-05-13T13:01:00.000+08:00

The time now is 7.01am Swiss time. I'm now on my way to Zermatt. From the wettness of the ground and the coolness of the weather, it must have rained last night.

Let me recall what we did after we reached Thun. We didn't catch the ferry. Instead, we took a train back to Interlaken. But what we did at Thun was quite amazing!

Thun is quite a shopping area. And there are lots of birds too!We window shopped for a while, and proceeded to the Castle of Thun, The Schloss Museum. We had walked one big round around the castle, before finding it's entrance, and who would know, that the entrance is in between the shop houses?

From between the shops, we walked up millions of steps! Of course, it's not that exegerating, but it felt like a million steps!

The steps are these: Then these:
My legs felt like they weren't there after reaching the top.

When we reached the castle, we were told that the castle consists of 5 floors, in which incoporates a museum. There was a flight of spiral steps, so high and small, that my legs went wobbly before I reached the top.

Inside this museum, we saw this:
And this is a:
Yes. An ancient jail, for female prisoners only. I saw that one of the weapons used looked like a crucification crown..

We also saw clay utensils of their time,musical instruments and the oldest band photos, and some writeups of famous people like Johann Wolfgang von something, Felix Mendelson, etc.Finally we reached the top of the castle! We saw the whole view of Thun, just like we saw the whole Bern. These were a few photos that we took from the top tower.How tired we were!

Day 2 Trip - Visit to Bern, it's Capital

2006-05-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

8.30 am: We caught a train and is on our way to Bern. Remember the train that we took from Zurich? It's the same kind. Now, we are sitting on the upper deck. The only difference is that we're now higher up, thus we could see the scenary that we couldn't before.

2.40pm: I'm feeling sleepy already. Now I'm back on the train towards Thun, hoping to catch the ferry that travels Lake Thun, back to Interlaken West.

The time that we spent this morning is quite a mouthful. Immediately after we left the train station at Bern, we took a bus (No. 12) to the Bear Pit. It was at the last stop, that we realised that we took the bus to the wrong direction! Luckily there wasn't that many stops. We took the same bus and went straight to Bear Pit, with the help of the bus driver. He's our shoten zenjin (buddhist god)! At the Bear Pit, we saw 3 bears. Big Brown Bears! Wow! We managed to take their photos, but without me. Why? I had always disliked myself on the photos. But I did try to be part of the photos, but my aunt is such a hesitater, and she always make me move here move there to take better photos. I told her that the camera is with her, she should be the one moving, as she would have a better picture of what is on the screen Besides, she takes such a long time to adjust this and adjust that, that my eyes, which were facing the sun, hurts.

Speed is a very important factor for a photographer, as once you missed the best time, you'll miss it forever. She had learnt photograhpy once upon a time, and yet she seem not to understand this theory. I wonder where her learnings went to..

We saw the Bern Show, which talks about Bern's History. We went to Rosengarten too! We saw a great deal of flowers, only after climbling up a very long and very steep slope. I think we climbed for around 15 to 20 minutes! The slope was so steep, that I didn't dared to walk down it! We passed by an old lady whom she said was 77 years old, although she looked younger, and she told us that tulips were just over last week. So, Hui Kian should have managed to see it if she visited the Rosengarten. Although the old lady also said that most of the flowers have not bloomed yet, we still saw lots of yellow flowers. Besides flowers, we also had a great view of the whole capital.As we dared not walk back down from via the slope, we decided to exit from another gate, which made us walk through the streets where ordinary Swiss lives. Again, we saw art graffittis. I also saw that they have speed cameras too! It looks just like ours. Amazing!As we walked, blindly, we managed to find the busstop that has bus No. 12, and got back to Bern RailCity. From there, we took a BernMobile to Gurtenbahn. This rail is just like a train, but the tracks are not the rail tracks with stones, but the tram tracks. It walks on a 2-lanes car road. So imaginea train, with around 4 cabins, on the road, concurrently with other buses and cars, and wires above it. I think if it were to walk a Singapore road, it would jam up the whole place!

We arrived at Gurteuban Station (which is something like a bus stop), and walked around 5 minutes, up a slope to the tram station, where we took the tram at CHF4.50 each (with discount with Swiss pass), up to Mount Gurten. On the tram, I was thinking "Oh no! How are we going down again?!" The tram moves up a very steep slope! So steep that I felt that it was a slow version of the roller coaster! But when we reached the top, we realised that we did not make a bad choice afterall. We could see the whole Bern at birds' eye view, just like the map!We took our lunch at the mountain top, as we enjoyed the scenary. We walked around for another 1/2 hour, before taking the tram back down. This time, I bravely sat at the front row, and realised that it wasn't that scary afterall. So here I am, now - Thun.

Day 1 Trip - Visit to Brienz and Meringen

2006-05-11T23:30:00.000+08:00

I've reached Brienz. Saw a ferry named Jungfrud and took it around the Lake Brienz. Finally realised what it's like to be surrounded by giants. Mountains are all round me! It's the first time that I saw a natural waterfall too. Although it's not as grand as the Nigera Falls, it's already quite a sight for me. The people working here told us that the ferry will take Brienz. Was wondering how come the ferry would take such a long time to travel around the lake. Now I know. After looking through the schedure, we found out that the reoute is from Brienz, travelling all the stops to Interlaken Ost, and back to Brienz through the same route. Thus, we decided to stop at Interlaken Ost, and continue our journey from there.

At 1305hr Swiss time, we took a train from Interlaken Ost back to Brienz again. Thinking that there's nothing much to do, we went shopping to Coop, their supermarket, like our NTUC or Shop 'n' Save. We bought some juices and biscuits. It was after we bought these stuffs, that we decided to go to Meringen, a station away, where we could visit the Gorge at CHF 7 per person. Initially, we thought that we must be crazy to bring the stuffs along, but we did, eventually, after the lockers at Meringen did not work.

Too bad my camera's battery went flat after these photo.. If not, I could have taken more...

From Zurich to Interlaken

2006-05-11T13:45:00.000+08:00

The time now is 7.45am. I'm now on the train From Zurich Flughafen, going towards Interlaken West. The train is warm, and the silence is deafening. You can hear everyone's breathing and their flipping of the papers. Estimated arrival time at Interlaken is 10.03am.

As the train travels, I can see art graffitis on the wall. But most of the route are underground. It makes me sleepy. But the scenes are enlightening. I see houses on mountains, smoke coming out of chimneys of high-rise buidlings, and lots of railway lanes and wires above my head!

Oh ya! the train that I'm now in, is a double deckered train! I'm on the lower deck, of course, as it's stupid to move up to the second deck with such heavy luggages.

In the Middle of the Flight

2006-05-11T11:30:00.000+08:00

The time now in Singapore is 11.30am. In 1 1/2 hours time, my colleagues will be having their lunch. But, I'm still on the plane. Had been on this plane for nearly 12 hours, but I still have at least 2 more hours before I reach Zurich, at their time, around 7.30 am, 11 May 2006. Getting a little confused whether Switzerland is 6 hours earlier of later than us.

The sky is bright now. I can see the clear blue sky. I'm not sure which part of the planet I'm above now. I'm not sure whether I'm above land, or sea. I thought it's land, but then, the "land" I thought it was my only be clouds. Too bad I'm sitting at the wing area. If not, I'll have more view of what's below me now.

I recall the first time back from Holland in 2001, when I saw a rainbow surrounding the shadow of our plane then.

Although I may be sitting at the wing area, I have received great benefits since I started checking in last night. My Aunt told me that it is not usual that the staff at the check-in counter will help, but he helped us found seats next to each other near the front exit and the toilet for our convenience. We had also checked in without problems. Our luggages were checked in immediately when we reached the counter, which was not what my Aunt had experienced before.

Just announced that it is 6.30am, 11 May 2006. Will be arriving in approximately 30 minutes. The temperature is 4 degrees celsius. Oh... Will it be freezing? Well, landing soon. I better stop writing.

My flight towards Zurich

2006-05-11T00:20:00.000+08:00

The time now is 12.20am. I'm now on the plane SQ246, taking off to Zurich, Switzerland. The plane is taking off in 2 minutes time. How's my feeling? Calm. Normal. This is the third time that I'm taking a plane. Felt that I didn't want to feel too excited, like a kid, like when I was on my first overseas trip to Helsinki in 2001. Am I being indifferent? Or am I just not bothered? To speak the truth, I wasn't that keen on this trip. I rather stay in Singapore and Concentrate on the Project Fusion.

5.3 Mentor and Disciple Day

2006-05-05T14:29:00.000+08:00

Well, after the last blog entry, I seemed to be staying stagnant on my decision. Nothing concrete yet. So, what do I want to blog today?

Let me share what happened on May 3rd, the Soka Gakkai Mentor and Disciple Day. This is one of the very important days for Soka Gakkai.

So, how is this significant day, significant to me? This year's 5.3 is significant, not only to me, but to SNCO too! SNCO? What's that? SNCO is Soka New Century Orchestra, which comprises the newly formed Soka New Century String Ensemble (SNCSE) and the Soka New Century Wind Ensemble (SNCWE), renamed from the Soka Wind Ensemble (SWE). This name had been given by Ikeda Sensei, and thus this year's 5.3 is a brand new start of the SNCO!

During the LGT1 - 5.3 Commemorative Meeting, SNCO had our debut performance as an orchestra. General Director Mr Ong Bon Chai had goals for us, and that is to perform in the VCH, and ultimately, even in the Esplande! Mrs Chua, our conductress, was also full of emotions that day. Afterall, SWE was her baby, as she was the one who founded the then Soka Symphonic Band (SSB). After leaving us for a period of time, she was back again to conduct us for our debut performance. Although she may not be with the SNCWE everytime, she must have seen the growth in the band that made her proud of us. She had also made a vow, during her Kenshu trip, to sensei and to the Gohonzon, that the orchestra must always play music that touches people's heart.

That's the difference between us, the SNCO, and other community and professional bands and orchestras. Other bands may have more professional players, who plays better than us, technically, but they play music, for the sake of playing music. We may all be amateurs, but we each have a mission to fulfil, and that is, to play music that can touch people's hearts and lives, and be able to encourage each and every individual who heard our music, to carry on with their lives, fighting every obstacles bravely.

To my dear non-gakkai friends, you may be puzzled, as in how on earth does one do that? A professional flautist, Nestor Torres once told us, that for him to pick up his flute and play is easy, as he has the talent, and is gifted in music. However, he will not be able to play music that can touch people's hearts, unless he chants lot of daimoku.

I've also heard many many times, from Mrs Chua, my seniors in SNCO, and our SNCO committee, that it is also through our own struggles to make the performance the best for the audience, that touches people's hearts. I had experienced that myself. Perhaps if you could look through my blog, and you'll find that I had twice been sick on the performance day, and had much trouble going through the rehearsals, but yet managed to perform the whole show whitout feeling I was sick.

Well, so much about SNCO and 5.3, so what's will the next entry be about? FD? or will I be back from Switzerland then? I'm not sure too... Things may change, and plans may change by the next blog entry too... So...

So long for now...

Hmm...

2006-05-02T15:10:00.000+08:00

Well, I'm not sure what to blog... There are a lot of things that I wanted to blog, but I just can't seem to decide which one to focus on in this entry. Besides, I'm free in office now, so I thought of updating my blog now. Firstly, no, let's not put a sequence to it. Ok, Let me list down the topics that are in my mind: updates of SWE, updates of FD, updates on 4D, my upcoming trip to Switzerland, my plans for future, my life, how my life condition is recently... seems like a lot of things... I can't even decide which is more important to be put into my prayers first... All seemed interlined, even though they look like separate issues... Just like what we learned in our previous Zadankai - Oneness of Man and Environment - where we learned that although Man and its Environment seems like two separate entities, they are actually interlinked. To explain this, I think I need another entry, or else everything will be blurred..

Same thing here, I can't decide whether this blog should be a record of my life, or a record of my learnings. Perhaps I should set up another blog solely for my learnings, be it Buddhist Fundamentals or other learnings, while this current blog records my dailies. But, Buddhism=Daily life, thus if I were to setup another blog solely for Buddhist Studies, doesn't it make that blog a redundant? hELLO..!! Make up your Mind!!

Birth = Death???

2006-04-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

So I didn't blog like I've said I would.

That was the first time that I've attended a Christian funeral service. It was as if I was back to school during chapel time. We were singing songs, both Christian songs, as well as songs that Helen loved. I thought that Eunice, Helen's daughter, had a wonderful voice. She could sing so well, all in perfect pitch, even though she was in the midst of feeling the lost of her mother. It's really the music industry's lost not to have her as a singing artist.

Anyway, I had been thinking about this since I was back from Helen's funeral. If we were all born to die eventually, why do we have to be born in the first place. Yes, we may say that we can contribute to the society by doing the best we can to help others in the best ways we can, but if everyone one are born to die, then wouldn't it be easier if no one were born? No one would have to die then, although the world wouldn't be as interesting as it now is.

I am actually thinking what would really happen if I die. I knew what it was like to loose a loved one, and being the one who is still alive and kicking on earth. What about the deceased? I know from Christians' point of view, they would be in GOD's arms, in Buddhists' view, they will be recarnated, while in Taoists' view, they'll be under trial to see which level of hell they will be going, and whether they have a chance to be reborned.

I am a Buddhist myself. I am taught that we will be recarnated with the karma that was with us the moment we die, and this karma will decide what karma and what kind of family I'll be recarned into. However, I'm still very curious to know what it is to die. Too bad the dead can't return to tell us which is really happening. Is it the Buddhists, the Taoists, or the Christians that are true? Or is it other teachings, besides these 3, that were happening? Am really looking forward to the day I die, with no regrets. Then I'll know what's really happening.

But no worry to the people reading this, I still have plentiful of things yet to be done. No suicidal thoughts. Just curiosity.

Yet Another Funeral

2006-04-12T10:00:00.000+08:00

In about 10 minutes time, I'll be on my way to Helen's funeral, and be sending her off. Helen is a colleague of mine. Although we were not in the same section, but she is the first person I know before I joined SIAEC.

Helen is only 52 this year. She had been suffering from cancer since I can't remember when. But I do remember that I had just been back from my MC, i think, and Laytin, my supervisor told me that Helen would be on long leave for treatment. As what Laytin told us, things had been going well for her. She had done her 7th series of treatment, and she had been reacting well to the treatment. we are all expecting her to return for work. But she passed away last Saturday.

Without Helen, I won't be in SIAEC at all. She is the one who told my aunt about the opening of my position now. She is the first person I was introduced to besides my ependiture team. I can still remember how her voice sounds like. I can also remember the time when I pass her the gift from my aunt, who bought it from an overseas trip.

Will be trying to blog down my thoughts after coming back from the crematorium again.

My Blog

2006-03-22T22:30:00.000+08:00

Let's talk about my blog. Please refer to Min's msg on 5 Mar 2006. She had said that my blog is sweet. Of course.. Pink, and angelic.. But is that me?

This is what I wanted to be.. To be someone who is sweet and understanding.. But till now, I'm not. I'm known to be loud, violent, easily flamable, and more, especially to the guys. Why is this so?

How can I do my human revolution, and change myself to someone sweeter, less loud, and more considerate? I think I'm nice enough the the girls. I'm not loud, nor violent, nor easily flamable in front of them. It's the guys. They always make fun of me. The guys I know, whether ar work or Gakkai, always make fun of me, always that lame, that I can't control myself, but launch a counter-attack. How I wish I could control myself, and just take their jokes at stride, without launching the counter-attacks..

Hmm.. Am I talking about myself, or my blog?

You Make Me Want to Fall in Love - F.I.R

2006-03-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

我愿用我有限的永远
交换曾经快乐的泪水
穿越不安地带
穿越所有危险
来到你身边

*我有时相信美丽的预言
却又不想如此心甘情愿
直到你的出现
才了解这一切
因为你而改变

#you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~也不管明天会如何
只要今生有你左右陪着我不再寂寞
you make me want to fall in love
就在这一刻
oh~瞬间也可以是永恒
只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

就算岁月带你走
就算距离淹没我
还是一直守候着
我会永远为了你存在

只要每个寂寞时候
爱的回忆留在我心中

Busy.. Finally...

2006-03-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

Immediately after I posted my previous blog, I went through the most hectic work week in my 1 1/2 years in SIAEC. It's been so long since I last had things on my table for the next day.

The month-end closing was just over, and we were rushing our reconciliations, budgets, and the different departments kept asking for the old invoices that they have not cleared, as they do not know where they had placed the ones that we had sent previously. Besides, the auditors are here. Everyone was asking me things, and Linda is not there, thus me and William had to take over. While William helped to clear the suspense accounts, I am responsible to answer to any calls and requests that the departments make, and to dig out Linda's invoices, some of which I couldn't find at all.

Well, this is what I wanted, wasn't it?

Ideal Career vs Kosenrufu

2006-03-09T16:40:00.000+08:00

Last half an hour to the end of today's work. Yet, I have already been stoning for half an hour.

Today is deadline for February's Financial closing. I see Linda, Laytin and Adrian busy with their work, but I have finished my tasks. Was it because there are too little work for me, or was it me being fast? I choose to believe the former. I have been waiting for work to come in since don't know when. Most of the time, I help Linda with her work instead, as I really have nothing to do, no matter how deep I dig. What can I do to make myself more useful?

I've been comtemplating whether to leave or not, but not that fast. The earliest will be when I'm done with my braces. Sometimes I do ponder what do I really want to do if I were to leave SIAEC. Is it events? Or do I want to sing? Now that I've gotten my driving license, I should be starting to look for a music school that have vocal lessons. So it it The Arks Music school, or Ocean Butterfly's Music Forest? HaiZz.. so many things to think.

If I want to do events, will I be able to do it? My district just had a dialogue with RHQ5 leaders yesterday. Mr Wong, the MD Region Chief (I was so amazed when he knew my father! Yesterday was like a big realization for nearly everyone! YMD Region was full of realisation when he realised that our WD's sister was once a YWD Region Chief that he knew, and I am the cousin of a YMD he knew. I was surprised too, that my MD District Chief is Flora's father!!!) told us one thing. Nothing is impossible with the Gohonzon. We must chant and pray with the conviction that with the Gohonzon around, there will surely be time for kosenrufu, to fulfil our mission, our responsibility. But I thought that Events, or rather Wedding planning, is something that I really want to try to do, besides singing. However, I know that I'll have to work on weekends, as well as till late night, in the Events industry. That would mean I won't be able to come out for some activities. Should I be sacrificing what I want for Kosenrufu? I really do not want to sacrifice kosenrufu for my career, but is it healthy the other way round?

I Passed my Driving Test!!!

2006-03-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

Well, so I've passed. Wad's next?

After struggling and spending so much $$ to get my licence, and that's it, I got it.. Then?

I had never thought of learning driving before, as I just wanted to find someone to fetch me throughout all my life. Then I realise that only my father can do this to me. Haha.. When I saw that Meiling is the only FDIC in our Zone that drives, I know that it'll be more convenient if one more person can drive, as our Zone Meeting are now held in either a FDIC or a student's home. The parents should be less worried about their kids getting lost while travelling to the meeting place, especially for the Sec 1 students. Thus, for the sake of our FD students, I took driving lessons, in hope of getting the driving license.

So, now that I've gotten it, I should be happy about being able to fetch the students. But I realise that I may not have the courage to drive alone, as I won't be able to "touch" the car till don't know when. Just hope that I'll get to drive as soon as possible..

Tomorrow's Driving Test... Boo Hoo... :(

2006-03-06T20:32:00.000+08:00

~OhwahHhhh~ Tml mOrninG is the test le... 2nd attempt.. But how come I still feel the same way I felt just before my 1st attempt? I'm getting all jittery le.. Wasn't feeling like this until after the lesson that ended at 8pm just now.

Was feeling quite confident about the test.. until my instructor kept telling me all my mistakes again and again, and getting all stressed up, and I don't understand what he saying.. I thought that I had did what he said, then he say I didn't do it.. HaiZ..

For example, just now in Circuit, when we were doing the crank course, I knew he had told me to "Keep Left to Turn Right, Keep Right to Turn Left". I did that. I kept very right to turn left, and very left to turn right. He also told me to make sure that the curb is seen at that point before I turn the steering wheel. I just did that.. Then he say I turn too early, and kept saying, “要闯到了，要闯到了！！” I was like "huh? where got?"

He also said at a time my clutch too high, then the next he say I cannot step on my clutch pedal.. I was like all confused.. I was in gear 1 at both times, and going at around the same speed.. So when should I be stepping my clutch, and when should I not?

All these wasn't pointed out before, and just like before my 1st attempt, all these mistakes emerged at only 1 lesson BEFORE THE TEST!! AND IT'S MAKING ME ALL NERVOUS!!! WHY AREN'T THESE MISTAKES POINTED OUT BEFORE? AND WHY ARE THE LESSON SO SERIOUS ONLY NOW?

BooHooHoo.. I wAnna Cry le.. tml morning then is the test.. I dunno how I am going to handle it... I MUST PASS!!!

I guess my daimoku not enough.. I'll chant 1 hour tonight... 零时抱佛脚。。Must chant for the high life condition to handle my instructor's comments during tml's lesson, as well as the examiner.. Must chant for the wisdom to be able to react the right way no matter what happens.. These should be the most important prayers now.. Are there anymore? I can't think now...

GO CHANT NOW LAR!! STILL BLOG!!!!!!!!!

SWE Kenshu

2006-03-05T19:35:00.000+08:00

The following is what I had shared this afternoon at our SWE Kenshu. I'm posting it here so that I can remember what I had said..

"When I got to know from Sze Nee that I'll be one of the panel speakers sharing my testimonial and experience in SWE, I was kind of in a mixed feeling. On one hand, I was asking Sze Nee "Why me? I got nothing to share lar..", on the other, I was thinking to myself , "Ok, so after having done dancing, singing and acting on stage, my First Time for sharing my experience will be dedicated to SWE"

I remembered that I had join the then Soka Syphonic Band in Mar 1996, after my WD, who got to know that I was learning to play the piano and violin, told my parents that there is such a culture group. I was only in Sec 1and the only one who was that age then. As I was thinking through my 10 years in SWE, I realised that quite a number of memorable "First Times" were actually dedicated to SWE.

While most people had their first times in their Secondary or Primary School, I had picked up my clarinet for my first "First Time" in SWE. Many thanks to Flora, Big Vanessa, Kia Hwee, Hwee Lin, Mr and Mrs Chua, who had patiently guided me through the critical intital stage, I managed to pick up clarinet and scrape through my first concert with the band at the end of the year - Symphony of Joy IV in December 1996. This is my second "First Time" in SWE - I could actually perform without stage fright! Perhaps at that time, I thought that I could hide behind everyone else thus my stage fight did not emerge.

The third "First Time" happened when I was in Sec 3, as a librarian with Weifen and Waisum. And once I was appointed as a librarian, I continued my responsibility for 7 years, sometimes standing alone. Finally, I handed over the responsibility to Alice, Chiuling, and my sister last year. My fourth "First Time" would be the first stamps on my first passport - the trip to Holland for WMC, and Shanghai for an exchange. And currently, I'm fulfilling my fifth "First Time" in SWE, by sharing my experience.

So what made me stay in SWE for a whole 10 years? For a lot reasons, I could say. One reason, which I think most of my seniors would know, is that I had supper supportive parents. The support that my parents gave me then were super exaggerating, as they would, together with my sister and brother, accompany me to HQ BR, our training venue then, and stay there till I've ended my practice, which was 2 - 7 pm, if I didn't remember wrongly. Every senior knows all my family members.

Besides having such supportive parents, of course, I must have felt something for the band too. I remember looking forward to sundays every week. Although I was quite upset a couple of times, when my parents took my siblings to the beach while I had to have band practice, I still enjoyed every moment that I've spent in SWE.

When I was appointed as a librarian, I felt all the more I need to be at the band practice every week, by hook or by crook, as my passion then had turned into responsibility. I knew that my co-librarians then had more to worry than me, be it school work, relationships, or family, thus I knew that I must be the one there in order that there will always be at least one librarian available for every practices. This responsibility and pasion even made me come for band practices in preparation for the WMC, in the midsts of my "O" Level. Of course, I'm human too, and thus I do have times when I felt like leaving the band, but when I thought about my responsibility in SWE, this thinking immediately vanishes from my mind. This was how I hung on for some of the years, especially during the period when Flora, Big Vanessa and Kai Hwee were not around, as I was the acting Section Leader too, thus have to sustain the section till they return to their roles.

Perhaps I wasn't as important as I thought I was, but it was this thinking that there is something I need to do for the band, and the band needs me around, be it for the scores, or for my section, that keeps me going.

I won't be leaving this band as long as I can play my clarinet. I have to repay gratitude to the band, as it is the first place in Gakkai that I grew up in, be it physically, emotionally, or mentally. I had grew from a timid, shy and and introvert 12 year old girl, who always says "I don't know", to a more courageous person, with near to zero stage fright. Besides, I had always wanted to be a stage performer, especially as a singer, and it is because of the stage experiences with SWE, that made me have the courage to, for my First Times, act as a leading lady for the Skit Florence Nightingale as part of my Renaisance Training, in front of all SSA YWDs, to dance with a few different groups of people for meetings and concerts, and to sing solo wth unplug for Friday Rendezvous last August, all at ICA with 900 audiences and more. I know that I wouldn't be in SD if I wasn't in SWE, neither will I be a FD IC, nor a District leader. Neither will my sister be the librarian for SWE now, nor a SD IIC, nor a District Leader, as my sister told me a few years after she joined the SWE, that it's because of the positive change in me while I was in SWE, that made her take up faith in Nichiren Daishonin's Buddhism, and become active in SWE, SD and 4D.

Now, although I've returned the responsibility of a section leader to Big Vanessa and Kia Hwee, I am still involved in the homevisiting of my section members, and their welfare, as I'm no longer the little girl who always need someone to look after her, but a big sister to my juniors, whom I have the responsibility in guiding them to the correct path.

Lastly, let me share a phrase from the poem "Youth" by an American Poet, Samuel Ullman, written in dedication to General Douglas MacArthur, the Supreme Commander of the allied forces which occupied Japan after World War II, which Ikeda Sensei had shared in the 61st Headquarters Leaders Meeting on 19 December 1992. It reads, "You are as young as your faith, as old as you doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair."

Ikeda Sensei further explained, that firm faith and prayers, together with our deep determination, strenghthens our life force. When you believe what's right, when you direct your thoughts in the right direction, you can attain the correct faith that leads to happiness.

Hope that everyone of us can be determined to make SWE work, together. Thank you."

Sensei's Poems to YWDs

2006-03-04T14:25:00.000+08:00

On February 27, SGI President Ikeda dedicated the following three poems to the young women’s division members in Japan and around the globe, with prayers for their happiness and victory.

Hearts dancing
with joy
again today, how noble is a youth
dedicated to kosen-rufu.
**
Princesses illuminated
by the moon’s gentle light,
how pure is the brilliance
of your devotion
to your mission.
**
I applaud you, royal emissaries
of the Mystic Law—
O the beauty of your warm
and friendly smiles.

(Translated from the February 28, 2006, issue of the Seikyo Shimbun, the Soka Gakkai daily newspaper)

很爱很爱你 - 刘若英

2006-02-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

想为你做件事让你更快乐的事
好在你的心中埋下我的名字
求时间趁著你不注意的时候
悄悄地把这种子酿成果实

我想她的确是更适合你的女子
我太不够温柔优雅成熟懂事
如果我退回到好朋友的位置
你也就不再需要为难成这样子

很爱很爱你所以愿意舍得让你
往更多幸福的地方飞去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心

看著她走向你那幅画面多美丽
如果我会哭泣也是因为欢喜
地球上两个人能相遇不容易
做不成你的情人我仍感激

很爱很爱你所以愿意不牵绊你
飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心

很爱很爱你所以愿意不牵绊你
飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心

很爱很爱你所以愿意不牵绊你
飞向幸福的地方去
很爱很爱你只有让你拥有爱情
我才安心

MeiZ n Her Godma's Bday... n my Cheesecakes!!!

2006-02-28T00:02:00.000+08:00

These are a few photos taken during the celebration.. heeZ..

Asian Aerospace 2006

2006-02-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

Just went to Asian Aerospace last Friday. Last minute, I got the tickets that allowed me free entry into the show. Haha.. Lucky me.. :) Here are a few photographs that I took. Haha.. Adrian's face is in most of my photos.. He volunteered to be the model.. wahaha...

I miss you....

2006-02-23T16:03:00.000+08:00

I cried at office today again. My life condition is not that high today. I'm having headache and stomachache, and these are making me wanting to sleep. After receiving Becky's sms, I could not hold back my tears anymore.

I miss you, Becky.. I wanted to reply your sms, telling you how much I'm missing you. Do you know that I've been crying a lot recently? Sometimes the tears only flowed in my heart. Small little things can get me emotional easily..

I went to Ming Cai's father's funeral wake last night. As we were chanting and going through the ceremony, I suddenly recalled the scenario of my grandfather's wake. I remembered how my brother was fighting back his tears, but allowed his emotions to be shown when mom hugged him and cried together. He must have thought why Ah Gong did not wait for him to complete and get his "O" Level's result. He had plans to stay and accompany Ah Gong after completing his "O" Levels. I recalled seeing my grandfather, holding his hands and singing to him the day before he died. I still remembered the exact sitting position of him and me in the living room as I sang to him. I remembered how we lost my sister Mandai Crematorium after the cremation, only to find her crying in the toilet - she did not answer to our call when we were in the toilet.

Time flies. It's already the fourth month and my brother got his "O" Level's results - 14 for L1R4, 17 for L1R5 - the best among us 3 siblings. But, Ah Gong can not longer see it...

A Brand New Start!!

2006-02-20T22:53:00.000+08:00

From today onwards, I'll be starting afresh with this blog. Just like what I've said in my previous blog, hope that I will be able to be persistent and continue expressing my thoughts and feelings, and record the extraordinary happenings in my life. I'm still contemplating whether to inform my friend about the creation of this blog.

The reason for me creating a blog is actually to understand myself better. By informing my friends about this blog, will enable them to understand me more too, as well as, for those friends whom I seldom see, be updated about my how-abouts.

So, what made me want to change from Friendster's blog to Blogger's blog? Hmm.. perhaps I'm looking for something new. With such a nice background, I'm much more sure that I'll not change the provider again. I've spent a lot of time building this blog - a whole continuous 8 hours - as I'm neither a html nor a IT expert. I've spent a lot of time looking through a lot of blog skins, before finding some which are pleasing to my eyes (sorry about this, cos I'm a very choosy person, especially if I'm only allowed one), and finally deciding on using this.

I went through some more blogs to find some of the functions which I want to include in my blog, but are not available with this blog skin. I downloaded the skins with the functions which I wanted, and compared it's html with mine, and copied the html for that function into mine. This is something which I will not be able to do in friendster's blog - change the background to other than those it provides. However, I am able to backdate with Friendster's blog, which I can't do in Blogger. I

'm actually at office now, and am supposed to be working. However, my mind is thinking all about this blog. I feel that I can make some more changes for this blog. Ok, STOP MISSING THIS BLOG!! GO BACK TO WORK!!!

*MeowZz Paradise of DreamS*